The Life of a Hopeless Shopaholic

2007-08-01T04:41:00.001+10:00

my heart just shattered into pieces. some things are definitely better left unknown. my stupid itchy hands

Notice

2007-03-13T01:08:00.000+11:00

ive decided that i will stop posting anything from now on. I guess there isnt really much of a point posting entries of my ramblings. And anyway, not like anybody is interested in reading about my mundane life. However, I will not delete this blog.

Myabe in time to come, i may decide to open up another blog.

Till then.

2006-12-06T01:09:00.000+11:00

omg i was on friendster and i saw that someone is now attached to someone. ewwwwwwwwwwww.......... *CRINGE* ewwwwwwwww.........

i cant believe how small singapore is...

more details when we meet up

2006-11-09T23:04:00.000+11:00

Champagne followed by pure vodka on an empty stomach at 10 in the morning is not good, not good at all for the body. I had 2 glasses of geek boy's champagne afterwhich we left the lab to go to our normal meeting room. The room was directly downstairs the lab we were previously in, and by the time i reached the end of the steps, my heart was pounding in my head. I swear it felt like a bloodrush to my head and for once i felt tipsy within 10mins of finishing my drink. Plus, the look on our lecturer's face when he popped into the lab to see us toasting and drinking and doing anything but SDP was priceless. It was so funny cos we didn't know how to react when he came in and saw the champage and smirnoff on the table. Our project manager was also drinking and he was like oh umm yeah wat's up. hahaha yesterday was a really good day and since it was the last day of SDP, it was really worth celebrating. On top of that, we also celebrated receiving fantasticccccccc marks for SDP, & hopefully our system will be implemented by FIT! hahah i just have to add that geeky is so cute..hahahaha

& YAY MORE GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!

My mum will be coming next Sunday. YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

CANT WAIT FOR EXAMS TO END!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-06T02:45:00.000+11:00

For any depressed person sleep really becomes the highlight of their day. Yeah it's sad but you can escape from all the bad shit in life for about 8 hours or so while everything just fades to black.

2006-11-05T00:28:00.000+11:00

Ahhhh i just came back from geekboy's party. there were only a few of us from the group who came, but all in all, it was good... And geeky really looked geeky in those glasses (it was a geek/nerd theme). i must say, his ability to recite pi is really impressive. i cant even count how many decimal places he recited. And geekboy looked so good despite the really dorky outfit, the pi t-shirt, the binary tie & the esp the glasses! ahhhhhHhhhhhh.....

it really has been a great semester, esp working with the group. i really hope we would be able to work together again. maybe for STIP since it is a core subject for all of us in BIT/BComp/BScIT

I LOVE MY SDP GROUP! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-04T06:02:00.000+11:00

Today, i learnt that this is you. You are self-absorbed, extremely selfish, and you always have the last say. And you know what? If that was what you wanted, congratulations because you have finally got it across to me.

Since you wanted me to go so badly, why keep asking me what time i was coming back after i left? If you want to say something, then say it. Don't beat around the bush and make it seem like i don't want to listen. If i didn't want to listen i wouldn't even have picked up your damn calls.

So, the verdict is, You Win. As always

Are you happy now?

Ive had enough.

2006-11-01T03:18:00.000+11:00

ahh, i have been so freaking busy this semester with workworkwork...stupid project is so time consuming. i don't think getting high marks are even worth the amount of time for this subject which louisa mentioned is not a core subject for all IT students anymore. damn! come to think of it, 1 semester has flew by so quickly. it seemed like a few weeks ago that i just got to know my group mates. and now that SDP is ending in 2 days, i realise that i am starting to enjoy working as a group in this subject. after hearing all the horror stories about other groups, our conclusion was that we are a hippy group yay!

enough abt sch. 30-40 hours a week on SDP is more than enough and i shall not talk abt it anymore. ive only got 2 papers this semester. i cant wait for exams to end. i really need a break; cocktails at newtown again!!! the sydney wildlife thingy & mex brenner's chocolate souffle & milk choc frappe. and shopping shopping shopping. of course, there is yun's wedding to look forward too. really can't wait for all of this to end. on top of that, i will not be going back to Sg this summer until Feb when summer ends. that is why i don't particularly feel excited that the year is going to end. i always have that anxious feeling to get through exams because i know i will be going home. but this time, =( i just feel "sian" (haven't heard and said that for a longlong time). anyway, the trip to perth will feel just like a holiday.

i don't know if my mum is still coming. she wants to come and accompany me in december since neh will be in london and my housemate may be going back to HK. that would be nice, i miss my mum, but i know shes really busy. mum & dad have just finished unpacking last week even though they moved in 3 weeks ago. and a lot of our relatives came visiting last week, because of the long public holiday in Indo. business is also really good, so, i don't know if she is still coming. anyway, im sure time will pass quickly and i will be home sooner than it feels.

grace is also going back to sg for good. i haven't met her in awhile cos i have been so busy ever since the holiday in sept. nat was also flying here every weekend for 2 weeks so i didnt get a chance to call grace out. ahhhh everyone is going back for good. and im still stuck here. on the upside, food is good, shopping is good, atmosphere is good, people are nicer, and i am actually beginning to enjoy living abroad.

anyway, my recent craze:
- Jessica Simpson's Dessert Treats
- Necklaces
- Dresses
- Waisted belts

time for bed. im so used to sleeping at 4 because i always have so much work to finish. now that daylight savings is back, i end up sleeping at 5. so today, i shall sleep a little earlier. long day again tmr. i just need to hang on for 1 more day, and WE R DONE WITH SDP!!! YAY PARTAYYYYY & not to mention dear jason's birthday party on sat.

yipppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2006-09-01T01:55:00.000+10:00

What does it take to free yourself from the people and situations that make you cry?

2006-08-23T00:24:00.000+10:00

I have nothing to say to you. You ask me what if this, what if that, you always beat around the bush when you want to ask me something, never straight to the point and always trapping me. You ask me for my opinions, i tell you what i feel from the bottom of my heart. In return, you question my opinions and rebut me. And you even reason that by saying that by rebutting me, you want me to rebut you until you have nothing further to add. WTF? You think this is a debate? You tell me without even trying that you can't do it, or you can't help it. I told you time and time again what will happen if you do as you plan. In fact, everything i have ever told you is nothing new because you know it yourself. But you just have to challenge not just me, but yourself. And who pays for it in the end? You. You've screwed up your perfectly normal and happy life in return for short term happiness. Your decisions have made you throw away so many good things that you already took for granted. Look whats happened now? Yet you still haven't learnt your lesson. Im not saying that whatever i told you was right. What im trying to say is, do you even think abt what you are doing let alone think about the facts and the truth which i am merely reminding you of?

I am so sick of giving you advice, yet see you do the complete opposite and literally watch you waste your life, time and morals away. One bad hit does not permanently change your life forever. You continue to make the wrong decisions even though you know they will lead to no good end. What is this? Testing waters? The 1st thing you did was disappointing enough. Remember how i always told you that Neh and I always quarrel whenever we are talking about him? Just a few days ago, for once (in a veryvery blue moon) Neh actually said something nice about him for once. And that just emphasised the fact that you reallyreally threw away treasure for garbage. I quote Melvin "you got out of shit and now you're just rolling back into shit". Seriously......

You know im always here for you. But it is just so sickening to see what you are doing to yourself and it makes me feel worse cos theres nothing i can do. The choices are yours and i can only do so much. You know your cards better than anyone even though i have to lay them out for you. I really don't understand why you keep doing the opposite.

Honestly, i can't bear to see you like this.

I guess its true that everyone has their dark moments.

2006-08-17T02:37:00.001+10:00

There are moments when i tell myself that it's time to let go of the hatred and soreness from the past. I tell myself, its ancient history and time is suppose to heal all wounds. Recently, while i was back in Sg, i was packing some of my things. I saw the box that he gave me, with all the soft toys and other gifts which was given to me after it ended. I decided to open the envelope and read the contents. The past few times whenever i read it, i always felt an ache. Heartache, anger and bitterness. But for the 1st time, i didnt feel a thing. So i knew that i had forgotten abt everything. Unfortunately, the dream i had recently just made all that bitterness come back. I was so horrified and i was thanking god that it was just a dream! It is tiring to have hate in your heart. Well at least it has subsided from hate to bitterness. Oh well, i just wanted to rattle abt that a bit...

im actually contemplating on doing something really really stupid right now. something i would never even think of doing but for some reason i have itchy hands n i soooo feel like doing it now............

will try to occupy myself with other things so i won't do it n end up regretting it!

2006-08-17T02:37:00.000+10:00

2006-08-14T22:49:00.000+10:00

ughh....i've caught the flu bug! My nose is so stuffed up that i have to breathe through my mouth, and i can't smell anything. My taste buds are also not functioning properly at the moment. I started off with a bad sore throat on Thursday and Friday, and over the weekend it just got worse. I've also got a "great" workout for my abs through constant coughing....ugh....i wanna get well quickly so i can eat all the yummy stuff!

I baked brownies yesterday for the boys at home. Unfortunately, as delicious as they usually are, i didn't get to savour the rich chocolatey taste cos im sick!!!!! I had to eat porridge on Sat & Sun! & this morning when i got up for school, my voice was so hoarse that i sounded like a mannnnn. So i didn't go to school in the end.

To top it off, i had a nightmare (or morningmare rather lol) just before i was about to get up for school. It was the most horrible thing i could ever dream of. I remember sitting there in a confused state of mind, thinking if i was doing the right thing. THANK GOD I WOKE UP! Oh godddddd....i never ever wanna see that face or be in that position again. NEVER EVER AGAIN!

And...whilst going to the chemist to get cough medication this afternoon, i took a quick walk to the store to see whats new in store... hehehehe. I feel so happy on top of the flu!

Retail therapy...Instant therapy for any kind of sickness! *Grinz*

update update

2006-08-08T21:52:00.000+10:00

Wow its been sooooooo long. So, heres just a short update on what im doing.

Its week 2 of school. So far, im loving it. My timetable is good. 1 of my subjects this semester is a huge 12 credit points Systems Development Project. Yes...12 credit points, so thats the workload of 2 6 credit points subjects. And on top of that, since it is a project, that'll probably amount to almost 3 subjects worth of time and effort. But so far, its good. There are 9 pple including myself in the group, and after 3 group meetings since week 1, i realise that the group is very dynamic. And we all have very different strengths that can contribute to the project, also very good! Oh...and 1 of the guys in the group is soooo handsome.... hahaha. Chiselled features, long hair in dirty blonde..Tall....hmmmmmmmmmm

I just remembered, i felt so cheated 2 weeks ago on the 27th when i attended the "supposedly" compulsory lecture. I flew back early just becos of that stupid lecture. It wasn't even week 1 of school so i thought it would be really impt since school hadn't even officially started. And bloody hell, they didnt even take attendance when it was said that attendance was compulsory!!! Argggggghhhhhhh i could had flown back to Sydney a week later!!!!! I felt soooooooo cheatedddd... But on the upside, i took my time to adjust back to Sydney's time, i had a nice relaxing weekend, and the week after as well. I still feel like im on holiday though. I always get that feeling after i come back from Sg.

The past few weeks with Neh have never been better. Almost every night, we lie in bed and chat till late... or until either of us falls asleep. We also have our almost daily "laughing" activity where i do something really funny that we laugh till our tummies hurt. It feels like having a slumber party with my best friend. There are also serious times when we have had thoughts and plans for the near future.

Ahhh...i hope this goes on forever.

Made bak kut teh for dinner today. Im so full after drinking so much soup and water cos i put too much pepper in the soup and it was too spicy for me. Anyway, my 3day school week is about to end soon. Suppose to meet Grace & Dawn for dinner this week... and Neh said we should go to the Fish Market this week YAY!

Im also loving the weather as it is warming up a little... I love Springggg!!!!!!

2006-05-24T01:09:00.000+10:00

The rain is tapping on my windows, the wind is howling. My feet are cold. Its freezing.

I had a long sleep last night, about 14 hours. I didnt say much after dinner last night cos something happened before that, and he said some things which were really upsetting. I didnt have dinner last night cos i completely lost my appetite after everything. I just finished cooking dinner for him and my housemate, set the dinner table, washed the dishes, bathed, packed my clothes then went to bed by 1045. The rain was the last thing i heard before i fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, and so many things were running through my mind. All the things he said, all the things i said, the feelings that came to me were awfully familiar. Of course, it all happened before with "him". It was like the whole cycle repeating again, but with a different person this time. I kept thinking to myself, why do i always stupidly do the same things for people who don't even give a shit? I get responses like "i didnt ask you to do it for me. just throw it away. i don't care. so what?" It breaks my heart because i thought he understood what i went through before and that was partly why he hated him.

I know i tend to give too wholeheartedly and end up having it thrown back in my face. This wasnt the first time, but this time, it really hit me. I felt like talking to Daph, but i didn't feel like talking about it. I felt so numb inside, i didnt know what to say to feel. It was just an empty feeling.

Anyway, i just came from someone's blog which i haven't visited in almost a year. I was surprised it was actually updated a couple of times. What surprised me even more was that i was mentioned in the latest entry. Heh. I thought i meant nothing even till the day everything was over.

I feel alot better today but I still haven't spoken much and will probably remain so until i sort things out on my own. On the upside, i got my bag today! And the store called today to tell me i can collect my shoes tomorrow.

Its crazy how life is like a rollercoaster.

2006-05-16T01:29:00.000+10:00

Its time to stop drafting and publish a real entry. Its been so long, ill be going back to Sg again soon before i know it. I guess somehow the novelty of blogging is gone, there wasn't much to start off anyway, & maybe sometimes its better to keep certain thoughts and feelings to myself.

Living at my new place really makes time past so much faster than when i was at that ulu place. To top it off, the past few weeks have been pretty hectic. The week starting from easter break went by so quickly, with Nat, Karen, Stacy & their boyfriends here in Sydney. My motto is always enjoy first, suffer later. Indeed. Mid semesters and assignments were due after the holidays. The last assignment for this semester is due this Friday, after which exams will be just around the corner. Then ill be seeing Singapore soon. I honestly can't wait. Will be going to HK with my mum, her gd friend and Daph! Im so excited. After being best friends since Pri 4, this will be our first trip together.

Im really worried about that silly girl. Sometimes i really don't know whats going on in her head. Despite the clear warning signs and me telling her umpteen times, her vision is still clouded. Being abroad makes it slightly harder to talk to her, i mean i can't just call her anytime i like and for as long as i would love to. Phone bills here are simply too costly. Babe, i know you won't be reading this, but i just need to get this off my chest. Please wake up! As Melvyn said, you just rolled out of shit and now you're rolling back into shit again.

I was reading my wish list for this year and realised that ive striked out most of the items. Always another excuse to find new stuff. I have been restraining myself quite well and haven't been shopping for about 3 weeks now, i've spent too much on bigger things this month, can't afford to squander away whats left of my money on trivial things i can do without.

& about going to Perth in December for Yun's wedding, what flight are you guys gonna take? SQ? Cos most probably i will be flying to Perth from Singapore instead of flying domestically. Thought of planning to go up together. But well, we can discuss this when i get back to Singapore on the 25th of June. I will be back for about 5 weeks, & will be going back to Sydney a little later. Im gonna miss the 1st week of school to spend more time in Singapore. I really need to spend time with the people who mean something to me because i have to admit that i haven't really put in a 100% into keeping the relationship.

I think its time. This is going to be the first time im spilling my guts out about everything i have felt. This has been bugging me for reallyreally long and i never had to courage to speak up cos i was always afraid of rejection. To be honest, ever since the past incidents, ive always felt and known that things have changed dramatically. At some point i thought that it was just over and that i had been outcast. After some time and putting everything behind, i tried to pick up from where i left. If any of you are thinking now, that i didn't try hard enough, i have to agree and admit so. But its only because i was afraid. I know i probably only put in 70% into trying to patch things up, but the response wasn't too enthusiastic and i also felt as though i was too far behind to catch up so i just decided to let everything be and not try harder again. I mean, its not easy to try to patch things up again especially when you don't really feel welcomed with open arms, at least thats what i felt (or am i just being over sensitive?) I have to say, its not easy to simply forget about something that means alot even though i hardly ever showed it. And i simply cannot, which is why i am saying these things to all of you. I guess i was never too vocal about my feelings and at some point, i just took everything for granted. I know there was some discussion about accepting me again if i were to crawl back into your arms one day. That thought had never occurred to me because in the first place i had never really left and always assumed that everything was cool, only to find out later that i was so, so wrong.

Im kind of lost for words right now. Well, im gonna give it one last shot and i hope i could make a difference this time round.

I love the view of King St Wharf at sunset from my apartment.

2006-02-28T03:28:00.000+11:00

I really miss everything and everyone in Singapore. I really do...

2006-02-26T06:36:00.000+11:00

Im officially an insomniac, i can't sleep till at least 5 in the morning. Argh, this is so annoying.

We watched Syriana today. Its quite a heavy movie, a lot of politics n all that mambo jumbo. There were so many things happening at the same time that i was a little confused about 1 part and only managed to get it when Neh & i were discussing the plot during dinner. Nonetheless, I think the story was original (is it based on a true story??), very realistic, some parts kept me at the edge of my seat even though it was clearly not a thriller or anything along those lines. Overall, good movie. Lots of good movies opening soon. Collected my shoes today, i don't understand how these shoes can be sold out island-wide in Sg, & i bought the 2nd last pair in Sydney. It madness, despite the hiked up prices this season, everything seems to be selling out before you can even see it on the shelves. Madness, absolute madness. Sydney is not as bad as Singapore, of course because the things here are much more expensive, but well, sometimes when you really want something, you won't mind paying more for it. At least for me, i can sleep better when i know they're sitting in my cupboard.

Hmm, i suddenly realised that i left my no.8 in Singapore, damn.. how could i?

Its 645, & the stupid neighbour ah ma is sweeping the pavement outside her house with her huge broom again. The noise of her sweeping is freaking annoying, its like a really loud "SHUA, SHUA" sound. & my window just has to be facing the pavement that she sweeps. Sometimes i feel like dragging myself out of bed, wind up the blinds & give her a piece of my mind. Its not even 7am for God's sake. & BTW, she does this every single day. I don't understand why old folks can be so inconsiderate at times. Just because they are old and that young people should respect them doesn't mean they have to be inconsiderate right?

The internet connection at home really sucks. I feel so helpless, im 3 episodes behind The Shield, 2 episodes behind Desperate Housewives, and 4 episodes behind The OC. My home network is literally useless for downloading stuff, its so slow that whatever i queue for won't even start downloading at all. Leave it for 2 weeks, it'll be only at 10% at best. So i have to rely on some other wireless network in the area. The bad news is that the signal is low or sometimes very low, & its not always available. But its better den nothing. Its so frustrating to use the home network. It takes so long to load 1 webpage until the page often results in a request timeout. Worse than dialup i think. Goodness.

Im damn hungry, my stomach is rumbling. I think its time to go to bed, *yawns*. Enough rambling. Later.

The End of the Holidays

2006-02-23T22:38:00.000+11:00

Wow, its been so long since i actually published an entry. I have more than 5 drafts just taking up space in my account. There have been numerous attempts to type an entry but i always ended up wanting to finish it later, and then obviously forgot all about it.

The holiday is coming to a close and school is starting on Monday. This holiday seems so long, yet since i came back to Sydney, time seems to have flewwwww past. Im excited to start school again, meet new people, i will kind of miss my old friends even though i didnt get to know them until September last year. We went endured all the late nights together, the sleepless week working on the stupid eDVD shop, and the accounting assignment which paid off veryvery well. Those were pretty good times.

Im getting the keys to the apartment on Monday as well, & i will be officially moving out on Saturday. FINALLY! The place is almost literally across the street from Sydney City Myer, Pitt Street Mall all the other shopping. 5mins walk thats all. Im so excited! My timetable this semester is ok, not what i had planned out initially, but its so screwed up that alot of the classes were full even before i could enrol for them! At least now, i have a chance to go home for a nap or for lunch during long breaks.

I haven't even finished half of my packing. I had no idea how monstrous the amount of things i had bought in just 1 yr while in Sydney, esp in Jan 2006, until i started packing. And i actually have been depositing 1 tote bag full of stuff to Neh's house every week since the 3rd quarter of last year. I didn't realise moving was such a headache. At least now i dont have to suffer whenever i have class at 9am, neither would i have to walk the long walk to the train station, & AHH of course, i won't go through the 1hr train journey to & fro everyday. On top of that, because Pitt Street is almost my neighbour, i get to go to all the special invites which are always on Thursdays because of late night shopping! YAY! Since i am finally going to live in my own place, would anybody like to take a holiday to Sydney??? I promise free accomodation, i will also cook for you on some days so u can save some money cos food is not very fantastic compared to Sg, & its expensive!!! So, come pple come! Ill take pictures of my new place once i settle in!

We went Ikea to buy all the furniture today. I think we spent almost 4 hours there, i didn't realise we took that long. There was so much to buy and we couldnt decide which model to buy etc. Im looking forward to receiving all the furniture next Wednesday. I can't wait to do up the apartment. I love it! Its bright, airy, it has a balcony & it has a walk in wardrobe which although i will have to share with Neh, we bought another cupboard so HAHAHAH *evil laugh*. There was 1 day when Neh mentioned that he quite like the Moore Park area. And i suddenly realised why i never liked it, or any other suburbs. The reason is simple. Because there are no tall buildings at all! I mean, look at Singapore, every where u see tall buildings, HDB flats, office buildings & what have u. In the suburbs here, esp around the South Eastern suburbs, the tallest building would probably be 3 storeys at maximum. It was then that i realised i will always be a City girl. I will never grow to love the country sides of Australia, i will never like quiet suburban estates. Well to make 1 exception, i like Chatswood, but then again, Chatswood almost feels like a miniature version of Sydney City. So, i think i just made my own point. I will always be a City girl.

I have been really stressed out the past few days with all this things i have to do. Im exhausted, but tonight i can finally relax a little, get back to my hobby and sleep as much as i want tmr. & maybe i will walk to Westfield in the afternoon if i can wake up.

I miss Tomtom, mum says now she sleeps on MY bed in the afternoon. She literally sprawls out on my bed, damn shiok ah... We already gave her 1 room for herself, and she has a sofa, 2 beds, the study chair outside, the sofa in the living room and my sofa in my room to choose from, & now she made my bed her new bed!!! So naughty! Tomtom, Tomtom... Its only March & im beginning to cant wait to go back to Sg.

Oh 1 last thing, its the Mardi Gras next Saturday!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYY im so excited! I wanna see the Mardi Gras parade, & i will get to see heaps of good looking gay men omggg hehehe.

Sneaky pests

2005-12-14T23:59:00.000+11:00

IM DAMN PISSEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. My cousin has been snooping around my room. This is not the first time. How do i know? Because 2 days ago, i bought a pack of gummi bears and i ate all the colours except red cos they're my favourite. Yesterday, i kept eating them cos they're really addictive and i realised that i had ate pretty much enough for the day, so i decided not to finish them. Just now, when i opened my goodies drawer, THERE WERE ONLY 2 FUCKING BEARS LEFT.

KNN think im so stupid dunno the difference between half a pack and 2 fucking pieces?!?!? Fuck..thats the last straw, im going to tell. And im damn scared when her friends come over they will snoop around my room, even try my clothes, maybe steal 1 or 2 cos i have so many i won't realise until i wanna wear it.

The first time, she came into my room, used my laptop because that time i hadnt put a password to log in to Windows. I did tell her if she needed to use, just tell me im fine. But i didnt expect she will use my laptop when i wasn't home. The worse part was that when i got home, my laptop was left on, and the browser still open on some web game. I was pretty angry cos my intention of letting her use my laptop is when she needs to do homework and the computer downstairs has a problem or something. When i came home, she was happily using the computer downstairs, and i know that her good friend came over that afternoon. So i have a feeling they used 1 computer each so that they could play against each other. I mean, it was obviously her who used it, when i asked her about it she had the cheek to tell me my baby cousin used it (my baby cousin was 2 then) like WTF, think im so stupid to believe that? Lie also dunno how to lie better. Not only from the game that i knew it was her, she logged into msn using her ID, and i used the "remember my id" option, so i saw it under the user logon list. Also, she used my laptop to check her email, i saw her id when i wanted to logon to hotmail (hotmail always retains the last username entered in the username field).

So anyway, tmr i am going to stick a piece of masking tape with my signature over it. Masking tape tears easily cos its really sticky and difficult to remove without tearing. So that way, even if she opens my cupboard, she cant possibly forge my signature (even if she does it will be damn obvious cos my handwriting is damn ugly & unique>> haha). On top of that, i will wind some kind of string around the knobs and tie a dead knot so the only way is to cut it. I know it sounds damn extreme but my things are worth a lot and who won't flip if you found out some of your things went missing?? I practically kept everything inside my cupboard including my shoes.

I will not take any risks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-07T23:33:00.000+11:00

Yun: tagging is just too long...im probably gonna flood ur tagboard. so anyway these are my thoughts on the whole relationship

yeah, i am aware that i have the upperhand. as i mentioned, i know i do because he's really behaving like a girl, and somehow after an ardous journey in my previous relationship, i learnt alot and its helped me become more mature in the way i handle/see/play the role in a relationship. that puts him at a disadvantage partly because im his first serious girlfriend and im sure he's never had the "opportunity" to deal with such shit in a relationship so he obviously has less experience. as for me, whenever we quarrel, i somehow always have a clear mind and i know what i want to say, to some point i kind of manipulate the whole situation cos yeah i know what im saying (compared to someone to just shoots his mouth off randomly). you know what i mean? another reason is because i was almost like him in my previous relationship. hell, i was around 17-18 too and boy...when i think back, i sure was a nuisance.

i guess being able to handle such situations in a more mature manner is good for myself. but on the other hand, i don't know what damage it might do to the relationship. apart from the hanging up and the yelling, i can pretty much handle everything else in my way with much help from my clear mind. not that i would manipulate it in such a way that it becomes his fault, but rather put back the pieces together to show him where the conversation/situation had gone wrong. but somehow it'll always be him ending off with a statement that i cant retaliate like "ya la ya la you're always right, im always wrong" even though it doesnt even make sense. so all in all, what im trying to say is, having an upperhand will give him less confidence and make him feel like i am the one controlling the relationship. that is actually partly true because i am still guiding him in what being in a relationship is like. i mean come on, when we first got together, he had hardly any idea on what being in a relationship is like. the poor guy thought that quarrels in a relationship meant that the relationship was doomed?!?!? & other things which were such a one way street thing to him (i cant think of any examples).

anyway, everything is ok now. i made the first move to call him this evening, and everything was ok. i was quite worried that he would be angry with me not because of yesterday, but because i took so long to call back (the usual response in such a situation is: why now then you call? you dont care about me at all issit?) yeah, back to the root of the problem. when i called i just began to talk as though nothing happened just to hear the tone of his voice and surprisingly, he spoked as per normal, so yup, everything is ok now.

2005-12-06T01:19:00.000+11:00

Im farking annoyed now. You know how irritating it is when you keep harping and counting down that we have 10 more days till we get back? I know you are damn free now and have nothing better to do than to watch stupid tv programs and talk shows until 5am, sleep till afternoon and complain about your back and how tired you are. I still have things to do so stop rubbing it in. You told me 3 times today that it is 10more days. I heard enough.

And you dare say i am insensitive when you are having exams? Which idiot thinks it is insensitive to say that i can't go out when you are having exams? Not that i cant go out, but becos you are the only person i will go out with and when you are having exams i don't go out, not even by myself. HUH?HUH?HUH??? READ THIS. IF I farking brag to you about my party escapades when YOU are having exams then THAT is being insensitive. CAN YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE???

You say whenever you call me when i am having exams i always get irritated cos im stressed. YA fair enough i know i am feisty during that period. You know yourself i study damn last minute so i am stressed and you always disturb me and call at the wrong time so obviously i get jumpy right? And you compare yourself and say when you are stressed when you're having exams and i call you never ever say or show thatyou are stressed. Then now suddenly you say when i call you i am also disturbing you. THINK AGAIN. EVERY FARKING TIME I DON'T CALL who goes Why you never call me? I am damn stressed now i need to talk to someone but you don't care about me at all, you don't love me Whos PMS alarm clock rings every 3 months and starts saying i quote: You don't love me, you don't give a shit about me at all Then now suddenly you say whenever i call you during exams i am disturbing you? Then when you kenna bang you say your favourite phrase Whatever lah, you're always right, im always wrong, i always say 1 thing then change my story (copying what i said last time). What the fark issit you want from me? Don't call say don't care, call say disturb. At least when you call and disturb me and i get irritated, i don't say things like if you don't call you don't care. And you say whenever i call i always talk about myself or other things but never bother to ask how is your day or how was your paper? Please...i believe in small talk like that only to people i am not familiar with. WHO in the world makes meaning out of How was your day or How was your paper? I seriously don't understand how this kind of mundane questions can make your day better. Its not as if you will tell me what happen. All you tell me is ok lor, same lah. After being together for long enough you regard these kind of things as important? I seriously don't see it your way to the point of it being funny.

I have trained you to be less dependent of phone calls and smses, because i don't believe in things like making it a habit to say I Love You everyday or Good night every night. You have made improvements on that so kudos to you. The part you are still not getting right is, why must every conversation begin with asking each other how their day was? Its like those people who go to a shop and the sales staff asks how are you or comment that the weather is nice and they actually reply them?? Like hello? Thats a way of saying Hi. You wanna reply to that fine, but theres no meaning in that, like i said just SMALL TALK. But then again, oh yah i forgot. You take every word so seriously that in this case, small talk = chatting or asking you how is your day = i care. I seriously think we are on different frequencies.

And then you compare yourself to my cat or Daph. Damn it, whenever i say i miss Tomtom and you are right beside or worse facing me, you actually tell me i can say i miss Tomtom how come i don't say i miss you??? You are right in my face and you want me to say i miss you? Do you think i am insane? Good gracious, i remember very clearly you said to me yourself that you don't feel as important to me as my cat. HELLO!???? My cat is part of my family. You dare to tell me that you are not as important as my family??? If one day you tell me i am more important than you family i think will honestly think twice about the relationship because FAMILY IS MORE IMPT DEN BF/GF. BF/GF can break up with you one day, but family will always be there for you. This is a CLEAR example of Blood is Thicker than Water. & Ya i talk to Daph often, about shopping, about you, about other stuff. You ask why i can't talk about the same things to you?? How can i talk about you to you and shopping to you when im sure you've heard enough. I am trying to be sensitive about not boring the hell out of you by refraining from associating you with my shopping habits. So what else is there to talk about other then asking you what you wanna do over the weekend, or tell you about what movies are good, or what i wanna cook for you this weekend. Is that not considered talking??? Seriously, everything i do doesn't seem to be up to your standards so why don't you tell me what you want because i always have to guess, if im wrong i get yelled at, or we start quarrelling and i learn the hard way. And for once, make some "executive decisions" as Karin said. Why issit that all the time i have to make small decisions like what to do, where to go, what to eat. Going with the flow is one thing, but a cant-be-bothered-to-think attitude is another.

Another thing. Double standards. Why issit that whenever we argue or quarrel and you say you don't wanna talk about it anymore then i have to stop? Then when you continue and i continue back you always accuse me of trying to pick a quarrel again? Fuck double standards ok. Doesn't mean that when you ask me to shut up i have to shut up. And i fucking hate it whenever i am not finished and you interrupt me, then when i ask you to let me finish you yell at me and say TALK LAH YOU SAY U HAVEN FINISH SO TALK NOW LAH. And then next thing you say i am picking a quarrel? You farking do that ALL THE TIME. When you feel like hanging up on the phone also you just hang up and i am not suppose to be affected. Then when i do that you farking scream at me, throw things in the house, kick and yell and go beserk like a farking mad man and start crying. Damn it what the hell are you?

I have been trying not to tell myself that i am not taking on the role as the guy and you as the clingy girlfriend, but the more i see it, the more i think i cannot deny the role im playing here.

Just to add to what Jem said on her latest blog entry. I agree that this world is full of shit. But thats only because the people are full of shit that makes this world full of shit.

Exorcisms and Demonic Possessions

2005-12-02T00:39:00.001+11:00

The tags i just posted on Yuns blog made me write a short post about how afraid i am of movies about exorcism. The very first movie i watched about exorcism is of course the famous The Exorcist. What really scares me about that movie is the girls face, the colour of her skin, all the cuts she has on her body, her eyes and the freaking voice. THAT voice! I will never forget. I downloaded The Exorcist: The Beginning, recently, which is the prequel to The Exorcist. Again, the person who was possessed by the devil was a woman. seriously, its farking scary. The face, eyes and the voice. Very similar to the girls face in The Exorcist. After watching the prequel, i swore to myself that i will never ever watch any movie from this series. After watching, i couldnt sleep for a few days, i kept hallucinating that the eerie face will appear & glow in the dark and really scare the shit out of me until my soul will literally jump out of my body out of fright. Im serious, thats how scared i am. I don't know why, other horror movies don't creep me out at all, not even the original version of the famous horror movie back in the 80s called The Phantasm.

The reason why i am so afraid of movies of this nature is because these things are existent. There was a lady in my church who was possessed. She is christian, however, she does not have a strong faith. Her mother who is Taoist/Buddhist (im not sure) lived with her. She kept an array of idols on the altar in the living room. So anyway, whenever this lady attended church or home cell, she would always appear very restless. Incessant coughing, constant fidgeting. No one took notice. She would also fall sick very often for no apparant reason (1 of the members of our church is her doctor). I don't know how the entire situation became really bad, but what i heard was that my church pastor went to visit her at her place 1 day, and he felt very spooked out even before he went through the door. After that visit, the other elders were informed and they came to a conclusion that she was possessed. They also found out So, they performed an exorcism on her.

During the procedure, the pastor and elders laid their hands on her to pray. She then began to speak in Mandarin in a very low, coarse, male voice. Apparantly, the voice was very angry and it was cursing and swearing at them. Soon after, other signs appeared. She began to writhe on the floor like a snake, and her pupils kept changing from normal to all white. I cant remember the other details. After they successfully cast the spirit out of her, when came back to consciousness, she had no no recollection and no idea about anything that had happened during the manifestation. They also found out that the spirit came from one of the idols on the altar, which i will not specify in case some people get sensitive about this topic.

Well anyway, my parents told me about it quite long after the incident actually occured. Cos it was suppose to be confidential. My dad was still serving at church then, but during the period of the inciden he wasn't active, so he didn't get first hand info about it. And also, only those who had a really strong faith were alloweed to be present during the exorcism to help and pray, because if there is someone in the room who does not have a strong faith, the cast out spirit is very likely to manifest in that person. Woah...if that happens...oh my lord.......

Ok great, now i am creeped out again dammit. Anyway for those who are interested and have watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose, you can go watch The Exorcist: The Beginning too.

2005-11-30T21:39:00.000+11:00

Had a veryvery good day today. My schmates gave me a surprise! I didn't even know they knew it was my birthday. I think Adeline was the mastermind. I thought we were going to have noodles for lunch and we actually went to buy it. Then when we were walking back to her place she said she forgotten to bring her house keys, but her roomie was at home so we could just press the intercom. A guy answered it, n i was like whos that, she said its Tia's bf. Nothing crossed my mind at all. So when i went in, Adeline went straight upstairs to the kitchen while i went to her room first to put my bag down and take off my shoes. Then when i went up, everyone went SURPRISE!!!!!!!! I was really shocked i literally jumped on the spot for a second there. It was so sweet of them despite only knowing them for a short time. Everyone was there except Tria. Jonson, Adit, Tiara, Maria, David, Andry, Aris, Gary, Herman, Ricky & of course Adeline. They bought me a really nice cake, i think its from the cakeshop nearby and it was just nice for all of us, there was 1 piece left for Tria. I kept the candles from my cake and i wanted to come home and take a picture of the candles for memory but they're still in the sandwich bag, full of cream. Too lazy to wash them. Next on the bday list is Andry whos bday is on the 7th. Andry & I are probably gonna treat them to a meal at Hurricane's cos Adeline is simply dying to eat there.

A few others whom i leastleastleast expected also wished me. Pple whom i haven't really spoken to in probably years? & even some others from school whom i don't know very well. i was certainly very touched. My mum called me this afternoon also n i almost cried. I don't know why i feel like crying everytime my parents call. My aunt also bought me a damn nice chocolate cake. We had the cake and some wine after dinner, im so full now. So...3 birthday cakes since Saturday. I don't think i will be having cake again with Rin so yeah good, thats enough. BUTTT we will be having pancakes & Neh is highly likely to order the Devil's pancakes, almost equivalent to a chocolate cake too. My jeans are already beginning to feel a little snug......

Im so excited. I called her just now to get details of her arrival on Friday & yayyyyy we are going shoppinggggg!!! We were both pretty excited and getting carried away. Its a good time though cos i will be going back soon and i always buy things for my mum, so we can combine everything into 1 receipt, hopefully it will add up to more than $300 then i can claim the tax. Neh is just gonna kill her cos we kind of came up with a conspiracy. He has been nagging alot, especially about this year......hehehe. Anyway, poor Neh & Leon will be our butlers hehehe.

Ah..DH ep 9 is almost complete. Can't wait to watch it. I will also be sharing my resources with Tiara tmr, she was so excited that she even wanted to watch it today despite forgetting to bring the cable for her iPod. Oh yeah speaking of her, i haven't gone all excited here about her name and mine. I've always liked the name Tiara! Well, technically it just just part of her name which everyone calls her by. Her name is Mutiara which means pearl in Indo. Its easier to call her Tiara so yeah. When i first knew about i was like OMGGGG!!!! Crystal & Tiara!!!!!!! omgomgomg!!!! I often use crystal-tiara as the login name for many of my online accounts!!!! The best part is that we often sit together in class and work together on assignments and projects. How coincidental!!!!

Alright, need to calm down. Have to start packing for the weekend!!!

2005-11-27T04:59:00.000+11:00

Had a pretty good day yesterday, Neh surprised me with birthday cake cos ill be freaking busy this week and won't even be celebrating my birthday. And he was so thoughtful not to buy candles that represented 21, cos he knew that seeing 21 would just make me feel so old! So he just bought really cute & colourful "Happy Birthday" candles. The cake was a triple chocolate mud cake. Its sooooo yummy, but 1 slice was enough for me. Too sweet! & uhh...my left eye was a bit swollen i dunno why, so it looks smaller den my right eye.

This coming weekend will be fun! Rin & Leon are coming to Sydney from Friday to Sunday. They booked a room at Hilton, Rin chose it because its has by far the best location. Right smack in the heart of Sydney Central. Ill be staying over at Neh's for the whole weekend so i won't have to travel so far to the city everyday. I really hate where my aunt & uncle live. Its so far away & i really hate walking to the train station cos its really far! Since Rin and Leon will be around, we will have a chance to eat ALL the really good food in a span of 3 days! Pancakes at The Rocks, Harry's HotDogs, the FishMarket, Passion Fruit ice-cream and more! I just cant wait! The last time Neh & I had pancakes was with Delia and Vicki when Vicki was holidaying around Australia and came to Sydney. I remember i had sprained my foot that weekend cos of that nasty fall in the cinema the day before that!

Speaking of the cinema, Neh & I watched Prime on Friday. I was really disappointed with the ending cos Rafi and Dave were really good together and i could really feel what they had with each other even though there were complications. The last scene made me feel really sad when Dave was watching Rafi through the glass. I could see the love in his eyes. Sad love stories don't make me feel good. I thought it was suppose to be a rather light-hearted love comedy! And Dave is cute hehe.

I really miss Singapore and i keep thinking of all the things i wanna do when i get back. Sigh. All the good times with everyone, all the great parties and weekends. Hopefully things will change here in Sydney next year after i move in with Lauren and Neh. Im really looking forward to it and have already started looking for apartments. The problem is none of them can move out now cos the lease at their current place is not up yet, and also Lauren is going back to Singapore today and will only be back in early Feb. So the plan is to move by end of feb, thats why i will only be back in Singapore for 2 weeks, i have to go apt hunting! I think moving in will be kind of fun, get to buy new furniture and we can do the place up! Im pretty excited.............

^^^ written last nite
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i feel really disappointed now and im on the verge of tears.

Snow Patrol - Run
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Anyway from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
I just want to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Are Men Necessary: When Sexes Collide

2005-11-20T01:56:00.000+11:00

Ok i have to admit this is a painfully long article, it takes time to digest and analyse all those words, and it made my eyes go nuts when i was reading it. But its really worth the time. A very good article.

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October 30, 2005

What's a Modern Girl to Do?

By MAUREEN DOWD

When I entered college in 1969, women were bursting out of theirs 50's chrysalis, shedding girdles, padded bras and conventions. The Jazz Age spirit flared in the Age of Aquarius. Women were once again imitating men and acting all independent: smoking, drinking, wanting to earn money and thinking they had the right to be sexual, this time protected by the pill. I didn't fit in with the brazen new world of hard-charging feminists. I was more of a fun-loving (if chaste) type who would decades later come to life in Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie Bradshaw. I hated the grubby, unisex jeans and no-makeup look and drugs that zoned you out, and I couldn't understand the appeal of dances that didn't involve touching your partner. In the universe of Eros, I longed for style and wit. I loved the Art Deco glamour of 30's movies. I wanted to dance the Continental like Fred and Ginger in white hotel suites; drink martinis like Myrna Loy and William Powell; live the life of a screwball heroine like Katharine Hepburn, wearing a gold lame gown cut on the bias, cavorting with Cary Grant, strolling along Fifth Avenue with my pet leopard.

My mom would just shake her head and tell me that my idea of the 30's was wildly romanticized. "We were poor," she'd say. "We didn't dance around in white hotel suites." I took the idealism and passion of the 60's for granted, simply assuming we were sailing toward perfect equality with men, a utopianworld at home and at work. I didn't listen to her when she cautioned me about the chimera of equality.

On my 31st birthday, she sent me a bankbook with a modest nest egg she had saved for me. "I always felt that the girls in a family should get a little more than the boys even though all are equally loved," she wrote in a letter. "They need a little cushion to fall back on. Women can stand on the Empire State Building and scream to the heavens that they are equal to men and liberated, but until they have the same anatomy, it's a lie. It's more of a man's world today than ever. Men can eat their cake in unlimited bakeries."

I thought she was just being Old World, like my favorite jade, Dorothy Parker, when she wrote:

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

I thought the struggle for egalitarianism was a cinch, so I could leave it to my earnest sisters in black turtlenecks and Birkenstocks. I figured there was plenty of time for me to get serious later, that America would always be full of passionate and full-throated debate about the big stuff - social issues, sexual equality, civil rights. Little did I realize that the feminist revolution would have the unexpected consequence of intensifying the confusion between the sexes, leaving women in a tangle of dependence and independence as they entered the 21st century.

Maybe we should have known that the story of women's progress would be more of a zigzag than a superhighway, that the triumph of feminism would last a nanosecond while the backlash lasted 40 years.

Despite the best efforts of philosophers, politicians, historians, novelists, screenwriters, linguists, therapists, anthropologists and facilitators, men and women are still in a muddle in the boardroom, the bedroom and the Situation Room.

Courtship

My mom gave me three essential books on the subject of men. The first, when I was 13, was "On Becoming a Woman." The second, when I was 21, was "365 Ways to Cook Hamburger." The third, when I was 25, was "How to Catch and Hold a Man," by Yvonne Antelle. ("Keep thinking of yourself as a soft, mysterious cat.. . .Men are fascinated by bright, shiny objects, by lots of curls, lots of hair on the head . . . by bows, ribbons, ruffles and bright colors.. ..Sarcasm is dangerous. Avoid it altogether.")

Because I received "How to Catch and Hold a Man" at a time when we were entering the Age of Equality, I put it aside as an anachronism. After all, sometime in the 1960's flirting went out of fashion, as did ironing boards, makeup and the idea that men needed to be "trapped" or "landed." The way to approach men, we reasoned, was forthrightly and without games, artifice or frills. Unfortunately, history has shown this to be a misguided notion.

I knew it even before the 1995 publication of "The Rules," a dating bible that encouraged women to return to prefeminist mind games by playing hard to get.("Don't stay on the phone for more than 10 minutes.. . .Even if you are the head of your own company. . .when you're with a man you like, be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile.. . .Wear black sheer pantyhose and hike up your skirt to entice the opposite sex!")

I knew this before fashion magazines became crowded with crinolines, bows, ruffles, leopard-skin scarves, 50's party dresses and other sartorial equivalents of flirting and with articles like "The Return of Hard to Get." ("I think it behooves us to stop offering each other these pearls of feminism, to stop saying, 'So, why don't you call him?"' a writer lectured in Mademoiselle. "Some men must have the thrill of the chase.")

I knew things were changing because a succession of my single girlfriends had called, sounding sheepish, to ask if they could borrow my out-of-print copy of "How to Catch and Hold a Man."

Decades after the feminist movement promised equality with men, it was becoming increasingly apparent that many women would have to brush up on the venerable tricks of the trade: an absurdly charming little laugh, a pert toss of the head, an air of saucy triumph, dewy eyes and a full knowledge of music, drawing, elegant note writing and geography. It would once more be considered captivating to lie on a chaise longue, pass a lacy handkerchief across the eyelids and complain of a case of springtime giddiness.

Today, women have gone back to hunting their quarry - in person and in cyberspace - with elaborate schemes designed to allow the deluded creatures to think they are the hunters. "Men like hunting, and we shouldn't deprive them of their chance to do their hunting and mating rituals," my 26-year-old friend Julie Bosman, a New York Times reporter, says. "As my mom says, Men don't like to be chased." Or as the Marvelettes sang, "The hunter gets captured by the game."

These days the key to staying cool in the courtship rituals is B. & I., girls say - Busy and Important. "As much as you're waiting for that little envelope to appear on your screen," says Carrie Foster, a 29-year-old publicist in Washington, "you happen to have a lot of stuff to do anyway." If a guy rejects you or turns out to be the essence of evil, you can ratchet up from B. & I. to C.B.B., Can't Be Bothered. In the T.M.I. - Too Much Information - digital age, there can be infinite technological foreplay.

Helen Fisher, a Rutgers anthropologist, concurs with Julie: "What our grandmothers told us about playing hard to get is true. The whole point of the game is to impress and capture. It's not about honesty. Many men and women, when they're playing the courtship game, deceive so they can win. Novelty, excitement and danger drive up dopamine in the brain. And both sexes brag." Women might dye their hair, apply makeup and spend hours finding a hip-slimming dress, she said, while men may drive a nice car or wear a fancy suit that makes them seem richer than they are. In this retro world, a woman must play hard to get but stay soft as a kitten. And avoid sarcasm. Altogether.

Money

In those faraway, long-ago days of feminism, there was talk about equal pay for equal work. Now there's talk about "girl money."

A friend of mine in her 30's says it is a term she hears bandied about the New York dating scene. She also notes a shift in the type of gifts given at wedding showers around town, a reversion to 50's-style offerings: soup ladles and those frilly little aprons from Anthropologie and vintage stores are being unwrapped along with see-through nighties and push-up bras. "What I find most disturbing about the 1950's-ification and retrogression of women's lives is that it has seeped into the corporate and social culture, where it can do real damage," she complains. "Otherwise intelligent men, who know women still earn less than men as a rule, say things like: 'I'll get the check. You only have girl money."'

Throughout the long, dark ages of undisputed patriarchy, women connived to trade beauty and sex for affluence and status. In the first flush of feminism, women offered to pay half the check with "woman money" as a way to show that these crass calculations - that a woman's worth in society was determined by her looks, that she was an ornament up for sale to the highest bidder - no longer applied.

Now dating etiquette has reverted. Young women no longer care about using the check to assert their equality. They care about using it to assess their sexuality. Going Dutch is an archaic feminis[t relic. Young women talk about it with disbelief and disdain. "It's a scuzzy 70's thing, like platform shoes on men," one told me.

"Feminists in the 70's went overboard," Anne Schroeder, a 26-year-old magazine editor in Washington, agrees. "Paying is like opening a car door. It's nice. I appreciate it. But he doesn't have to."

Unless he wants another date.

Women in their 20's think old-school feminists looked for equality in all the wrong places, that instead of fighting battles about whether women should pay for dinner or wear padded bras they should have focused only on big economic issues.

After Googling and Bikramming to get ready for a first dinner date, a modern girl will end the evening with the Offering, an insincere bid to help pay the check. "They make like they are heading into their bag after a meal, but it is a dodge," Marc Santora, a 30-year-old Metro reporter for The Times, says. "They know you will stop them before a credit card can be drawn. If you don't, they hold it against you."

One of my girlfriends, a TV producer in New York, told me much the same thing: "If you offer, and they accept, then it's over."

Jurassic feminists shudder at the retro implication of a quid profiterole. But it doesn't matter if the woman is making as much money as the man, or more, she expects him to pay, both to prove her desirability and as a way of signaling romance - something that's more confusing in a dating culture rife with casual hookups and group activities. (Once beyond the initial testing phase and settled in a relationship, of course, she can pony up more.)

"There are plenty of ways for me to find out if he's going to see me as an equal without disturbing the dating ritual," one young woman says. "Disturbing the dating ritual leads to chaos. Everybody knows that."

When I asked a young man at my gym how he and his lawyer girlfriend were going to divide the costs on a California vacation, he looked askance. "She never offers," he replied. "And I like paying for her." It is, as one guy said, "one of the few remaining ways we can demonstrate our manhood."

Power Dynamics

At a party for the Broadway opening of "Sweet Smell of Success," a top New York producer gave me a lecture on the price of female success that was anything but sweet. He confessed that he had wanted to ask me out on a date when he was between marriages but nixed the idea because my job as a Times columnist made me too intimidating. Men, he explained, prefer women who seem malleable and awed. He predicted that I would never find a mate because if there's one thing men fear, it's a woman who uses her critical faculties. Will she be critical of absolutely everything, even his manhood?

He had hit on a primal fear of single successful women: that the aroma of male power is an aphrodisiac for women, but the perfume of female power is a turnoff for men. It took women a few decades to realize that everything they were doing to advance themselves in the boardroom could be sabotaging their chances in the bedroom, that evolution was lagging behind equality.

A few years ago at a White House correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful and successful actress. Within minutes, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."

I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with young women whose job it was was to care for them and nurture them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.

John Schwartz of The New York Times made the trend official in 2004 when he reported: "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and
evolution may be to blame." A study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggested that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors. Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them. There it is, right in the DNA: women get penalized by insecure men for being too independent.

"The hypothesis," Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, theorized, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference between their attraction to men who might work above them and their attraction to men who might work below them. So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? Do women get less desirable as they get more successful?

After I first wrote on this subject, a Times reader named Ray Lewis e-mailed me. While we had assumed that making ourselves more professionally accomplished would make us more fascinating, it turned out, as Lewis put it, that smart women were "draining at times."

Or as Bill Maher more crudely but usefully summed it up to Craig Ferguson on the "Late Late Show" on CBS: "Women get in relationships because they want somebody to talk to. Men want women to shut up."

Women moving up still strive to marry up. Men moving up still tend to marry down. The two sexes' going in opposite directions has led to an epidemic of professional women missing out on husbands and kids.

Sylvia Ann Hewlett, an economist and the author of "Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children," a book published in 2002, conducted a survey and found that 55 percent of 35-year-old career women were childless. [b]And among corporate executives who earn $100,000 or more, she said, 49 percent of the women did not have children, compared with only 19 percent of the men.

Hewlett quantified, yet again, that men have an unfair advantage. "Nowadays," she said, "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child. For men, the reverse is true."

A 2005 report by researchers at four British universities indicated that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to marry, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.

On a "60 Minutes" report on the Hewlett book, Lesley Stahl talked to two young women who went to Harvard Business School. They agreed that while they were the perfect age to start families, they didn't find it easy to meet the right mates.

Men, apparently, learn early to protect their eggshell egos from high-achieving women. The girls said they hid the fact that they went to Harvard from guys they met because it was the kiss of death. "The H-bomb," they dubbed it. "As soon as you say Harvard Business School . . . that's the end of the conversation," Ani Vartanian said. "As soon as the guys say, 'Oh, I go to Harvard Business School,' all the girls start falling into them."

Hewlett thinks that the 2005 American workplace is more macho than ever. "It's actually much more difficult now than 10 years ago to have a career and raise a family," she told me. "The trend lines continue that highly educated women in many countries are increasingly dealing with this creeping nonchoice and end up on this path of delaying finding a mate and delaying childbearing. Whether you're looking at Italy, Russia or the U.S., all of that is true." Many women continue to fear that the more they accomplish, the more they may have to sacrifice. They worry that men still veer away from "challenging" women because of a male atavistic desire to be the superior force in a relationship.

"With men and women, it's always all about control issues, isn't it?" says a guy I know, talking about his bitter divorce.

Or, as Craig Bierko, a musical comedy star and actor who played one of Carrie's boyfriends on "Sex and the City," told me, "Deep down, beneath the bluster and machismo, men are simply afraid to say that what they're truly looking for in a woman is an intelligent, confident and dependable partner in life whom they can devote themselves to unconditionally until she's 40."

Ms. Versus Mrs.

"Ms." was supposed to neutralize the stature of women, so they weren't publicly defined by their marital status. When The Times finally agreed to switch to Ms. in its news pages in 1986, after much hectoring by feminists, Gloria Steinem sent flowers to the executive editor, Abe Rosenthal. But nowadays most young brides want to take their husbands' names and brag on the moniker Mrs., a brand that proclaims you belong to him. T-shirts with "MRS." emblazoned in sequins or sparkly beads are popular wedding-shower gifts.

A Harvard economics professor, Claudia Goldin, did a study last year that found that 44 percent of women in the Harvard class of 1980 who married within 10 years of graduation kept their birth names, while in the class of '90 it was down to 32 percent. In 1990, 23 percent of college-educated women kept their own names after marriage, while a decade later the number had fallen to 17 percent.

Time magazine reported that an informal poll in the spring of 2005 by the Knot, a wedding Web site, showed similar results: 81 percent of respondents took their spouse's last name, an increase from 71 percent in 2000. The number of women with hyphenated surnames fell from 21 percent to 8 percent. "It's a return to romance, a desire to make marriage work," Goldin told one interviewer, adding that young women might feel that by keeping their own names they were aligning themselves with tedious old-fashioned feminists, and this might be a turnoff to them.

The professor, who married in 1979 and kept her name, undertook the study after her niece, a lawyer, changed hers. "She felt that her generation of women didn't have to do the same things mine did, because of what we had already achieved," Goldin told Time.

Many women now do not think of domestic life as a "comfortable concentration camp," as Betty Friedan wrote in "The Feminine Mystique," where they are losing their identities and turning into "anonymous biological robots in a docile mass." Now they want to be Mrs. Anonymous Biological Robot in a Docile Mass. They dream of being rescued - to flirt, to shop, to stay home and be taken care of. They shop for "Stepford Fashions" - matching shoes and ladylike bags and the 50's-style satin, lace and chiffon party dresses featured in InStyle layouts - and spend their days at the gym trying for Wisteria Lane waistlines. The Times recently ran a front-page article about young women attending Ivy League colleges, women who are being groomed to take their places in the professional and political elite, who are planning to reject careers in favor of playing traditional roles, staying home and raising children.

"My mother always told me you can't be the best career woman and the best mother at the same time," the brainy, accomplished Cynthia Liu told Louise Story, explaining why she hoped to be a stay-at-home mom a few years after she goes to law school. "You always have to choose one over the other."

Kate White, the editor of Cosmopolitan, told me that she sees a distinct shift in what her readers want these days. "Women now don't want to be in the grind," she said. "The baby boomers made the grind seem unappealing."

Cynthia Russett, a professor of American history at Yale, told Story that women today are simply more "realistic," having seen the dashed utopia of those who assumed it wouldn't be so hard to combine full-time work and child rearing. To the extent that young women are rejecting the old idea of copying men and reshaping the world around their desires, it's exhilarating progress. But to the extent that a pampered class of females is walking away from the problem and just planning to marry rich enough to cosset themselves in a narrow world of dependence on men, it's an irritating setback. If the new ethos is "a woman needs a career like a fish needs a bicycle," it won't be healthy.

Movies

In all those Tracy-Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. You still see it onscreen occasionally - the incendiary chemistry of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie playing married assassins aiming for mutually assured orgasms and destruction in "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Interestingly, that movie was described as retro because of its salty battle of wits between two peppery lovers.

Moviemakers these days are more interested in exploring what Steve Martin, in his novel "Shopgirl," calls the "calm cushion" of romances between unequals.

In James Brooks's movie "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, playing a sensitive Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid, just as in "Maid in Manhattan," Ralph Fiennes, playing a sensitive New York pol, falls for the hot Latino maid at his hotel, played by Jennifer Lopez. Sandler's maid, who cleans up for him without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman, in looks and character. His wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm and fears she has lost her identity.

In 2003, we had "Girl With a Pearl Earring," in which Colin Firth's Vermeer erotically paints Scarlett Johansson's Dutch maid, and Richard Curtis's "Love
Actually," about the attraction of unequals. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson, the sister of the prime minister, falls for his sultry secretary. A novelist played by Colin Firth falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese. Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection rather than of affection.

It's funny. I come from a family of Irish domestics - statuesque, 6-foot-tall women who cooked, kept house and acted as nannies for some of America's first families. I was always so proud of achieving more - succeeding in a high-powered career that would have been closed to my great-aunts. How odd, then, to find out now that being a maid would have enhanced my chances with men. An upstairs maid, of course.

Women's Magazines

Cosmo is still the best-selling magazine on college campuses, as it was when I was in college, and the best-selling monthly magazine on the newsstand.

The June 2005 issue, with Jessica Simpson on the cover, her cleavage spilling out of an orange croqueted halter dress, could have been June 1970. The headlines are familiar: "How to turn him on in 10 words or less," "Do You Make Men M-E-L-T? Take our quiz," "Bridal Special," Cosmo's stud search and "Cosmo's Most Famous Sex Tips; the Legendary Tricks That Have Brought Countless Guys to Their Knees." (Sex Trick 4: "Place a glazed doughnut around your man's member, then gently nibble the pastry and lick the icing . . . as well as his manhood." Another favorite Cosmo trick is to yell out during sex which of your girlfriends thinks your man is hot.)

At any newsstand, you'll see the original Cosmo girl's man-crazy, sex-obsessed image endlessly, tiresomely replicated, even for the teen set. On the cover of Elle Girl: "267 Ways to Look Hot."

"There has been lots of copying - look at Glamour," Helen Gurley Brown, Cosmo's founding editor told me and sighed. "I used to have all the sex to myself."

Before it curdled into a collection of stereotypes, feminism had fleetingly held out a promise that there would be some precincts of womanly life that were not all about men. But it never quite materialized.

It took only a few decades to create a brazen new world where the highest ideal is to acknowledge your inner slut. I am woman; see me strip. Instead of peaceful havens of girl things and boy things, we have a society where women of all ages are striving to become self-actualized sex kittens. Hollywood actresses now work out by taking pole-dancing classes.

Female sexuality has been a confusing corkscrew path, not a serene progressive arc. We had decades of Victorian prudery, when women were not supposed to like sex. Then we had the pill and zipless encounters, when women were supposed to have the same animalistic drive as men. Then it was discovered - shock, horror! - that men and women are not alike in their desires. But zipless morphed into hookups, and the more one-night stands the girls on "Sex and the City" had, the grumpier they got.

Oddly enough, Felix Dennis, who created the top-selling Maxim, said he stole his "us against the world" lad-magazine attitude from women's magazines like Cosmo. Just as women didn't mind losing Cosmo's prestigious fiction as the magazine got raunchier, plenty of guys were happy to lose the literary pretensions of venerable men's magazines and embrace simple-minded gender stereotypes, like the Maxim manifesto instructing women, "If we see you in the morning and night, why call us at work?"

Jessica Simpson and Eva Longoria move seamlessly from showing their curves on the covers of Cosmo and Glamour to Maxim, which dubbed Simpson "America's favorite ball and chain!" In the summer of 2005, both British GQ and FHM featured Pamela Anderson busting out of their covers. ("I think of my breasts as props," she told FHM.)

A lot of women now want to be Maxim babes as much as men want Maxim babes. So women have moved from fighting objectification to seeking it. "I have been surprised," Maxim's editor, Ed Needham, confessed to me, "to find that a lot of women would want to be somehow validated as a Maxim girl type, that they'd like to be thought of as hot and would like their boyfriends to take pictures of them or make comments about them that mirror the Maxim representation of a woman, the Pamela Anderson sort of brand. That, to me, is kind of extraordinary."

The luscious babes on the cover of Maxim were supposed to be men's fantasy guilty pleasures, after all, not their real life-affirming girlfriends.

Beauty

While I never related to the unstyled look of the early feminists and I tangled with boyfriends who did not want me to wear makeup and heels, I always assumed that one positive result of the feminist movement would be a more flexible and capacious notion of female beauty, a release from the tyranny of the girdled, primped ideal of the 50's.

I was wrong. Forty years after the dawn of feminism, the ideal of feminine beauty is more rigid and unnatural than ever.

When Gloria Steinem wrote that "all women are Bunnies," she did not mean it as a compliment; it was a feminist call to arms. Decades later, it's just an aesthetic fact, as more and more women embrace Botox and implants and stretch and protrude to extreme proportions to satisfy male desires. Now that technology is biology, all women can look like inflatable dolls. It's clear that American narcissism has trumped American feminism.

It was naïve and misguided for the early feminists to tendentiously demonize Barbie and Cosmo girl, to disdain such female proclivities as shopping, applying makeup and hunting for sexy shoes and cute boyfriends and to prognosticate a world where men and women dressed alike and worked alike in navy suits and were equal in every way.

But it is equally naïve and misguided for young women now to fritter away all their time shopping for boudoirish clothes and text-messaging about guys while they disdainfully ignore gender politics and the seismic shifts on the Supreme Court that will affect women's rights for a generation.

What I didn't like at the start of the feminist movement was that young women were dressing alike, looking alike and thinking alike. They were supposed to be liberated, but it just seemed like stifling conformity.

What I don't like now is that the young women rejecting the feminist movement are dressing alike, looking alike and thinking alike. The plumage is more colorful, the shapes are more curvy, the look is more plastic, the message is diametrically opposite - before it was don't be a sex object; now it's be a sex object - but the conformity is just as stifling.

And the Future . . .

Having boomeranged once, will women do it again in a couple of decades? If we flash forward to 2030, will we see all those young women who thought trying to Have It All was a pointless slog, now middle-aged and stranded in suburbia, popping Ativan, struggling with rebellious teenagers, deserted by husbands for younger babes, unable to get back into a work force they never tried to be part of?

It's easy to picture a surreally familiar scene when women realize they bought into a raw deal and old trap. With no power or money or independence, they'll be mere domestic robots, lasering their legs and waxing their floors - or vice versa - and desperately seeking a new Betty Friedan.

Maureen Dowd is a columnist for The New York Times. This essay is adapted from "Are Men Necessary: When Sexes Collide," to be published next month
by G.P. Putnam's Sons.

2005-11-13T00:56:00.000+11:00

My 7 babies of 2005. Wahahahaha.

2005-10-23T21:09:00.000+10:00

Sorry guys, i know i have disappeared for awhile since i came back. Didnt feel like coming online. And the photos, i forgot to bring back my DCC hub so i had to wait for my dad to mail it to me before i could upload the photos.

Tmr is the start of another sch week, i have completely no mood to study and get back into the books. I keep thinking of the holidays and coming back again in Dec. 7 more weeks to go....oh god i really dread school. Ive already started counting down to the number of weeks and have also been thinking about how to celebrate Xmas & New Yr. Thought of planning something, but Yun said she's not gonna be ard, girl!!! Why do you always have to go to back to Perth and miss all the events!?!?

Recently i have been feeling very contented with my life, i love Neh soooo much. I often wonder what would i be doing, how would my life turn out if Neh and i didnt get together. Would i still be stuck in my previous dead-end relationship? Would i have came to Sydney? And what if i had left right after my Os? Would i have met Neh?

I had a conversation with Daph about marriage. When i came back, i heard that so many of our ex schmates are already settling down or have already settled down ie getting married or already married with kids. It scares me to be unsure if i am with the right person now. What struck me was that, how do you even know if he is the right one? And what if he was mr right but you didnt know and let him go? These things happen only once in a lifetime and since it will only be ONCE how do you know what the feeling is like when it comes? To start a new relationship again at this age would mean it would take away another few years and what if again he wasn't the right one? I would have wasted more time, and if so i will probably end up getting married in my late 20s. Worse case scenario, what if im too picky and i am up getting left on the shelf? Im really afraid, of the things i cannot see. If only i could gaze into a crystal ball and see my future.

The future is so unpredictable. Many processes and phases in life may be uncontrollable, but right now, 1 thing i know for sure, i feel safe, protected and loved in his arms.

well, here are the pictures from Jamie's birthday perty.

2005-09-21T01:59:00.000+10:00

Drool Pple....Drool........

2005-09-21T00:59:00.000+10:00

For a very stupid reason, i suddenly feel like being thin-ner again. Note the word "thin-ner" because i know i am already thin. BUT MY FACE ISNT!!!!!!!!!!! I miss the days when Adele used to call me upside down egg. Haha. Some people who are reading this might think oh no...another 1 in the anorexic phase. PLEASE, i am totally not anorexic. I am thin, but naturally thin. All my friends can vouch that i have been thin since they knew me. So, i dont care if u hate me cos im thin, but that doesnt give you the right to condemn all born skinny girls as victims(or self inflicted) of anorexia. Here in Australia where the average size is between AU8-10 (US size 6-8), ive received comments such as "Oh you're so tiny" from sales girls or ladies at Myer and David Jones, when trying to pull off something of a size AU6 which is still too big for me. Well, that particular comment is not really a negative 1, and for that, i certainly did not take it in a bad way, but ive received damn hell a lot of stares from ang moh girls while in the fitting room. If you actually read/seen pictures of people suffering from anorexia, gosh....im 10 times fatter than them.

Anyway, im just blabbering, i dont really mean that i wanna grow thinner just so that i can lose my baby fats from my cheeks. Im just complaining. Im quite happy with my body actually, cept d boobies part (which girl is?). So if you think otherwise and you are not liking what you read, too bad too sad.
No offense to anybody who is sensitive abt their weight. Sorryyyy...

Haaaaa.....finally had time & chance to watch tv. Watched CSI NY & Criminal Intent, switched around to FTV but disappointed to find nothing good at that hour. Decided to come up and fiddle with the computer cos its a miracle that i havent even switched on my laptop since i came back. Hah.

Well, i better go downstairs to make my breakfast for tmr, throw the garbage and bring up my flipflops.

*giggles* Hahahahahahaha Im sooOoooOOOOO Happy!!!!!

OH BTW!!!!!!! KK HAS A NEW FLAVOUR!!!!!!!! LIMITED ED NY CHEESE CAKE! But i didnt get to try it. Hah. maybe soon, i hope.

Toodle-looOooOOooOOOoooOOOOO. YIpPeEeeeeeeEEEEEeeeeeEEEEE!!!!!!!
*jumps up n down*

2005-09-15T21:19:00.000+10:00

im having a really bad migraine...had it since dinner, after that chat with yun on msn abt cute guys it subsided for awhile LOL, now its back!!!

god i have 2 papers tmr at 9am & 1.30pm. Networking is at 9, i have 6/11 chapters to revise for, freaking alot of pages 2 go thru from d Cisco online resources, Philip kept telling me not to worry, i definitely can make it cos so far out of 50% i am among d top 10 in d cohort for this module. However, being in the top 10 is not very glorious because the average results r really bad. Seeing Johnny's results make me feel a little pressurized. As usual, hes d top student for networking so far, he scored full marks for d written section in d mid term test. As we all say....he's not human. All the more i feel i somehow cannot lag too far behind from him. For some funny reason, despite my laid back attitude towards schoolwork throughout my whole education, i feel very competitive since i entered Uni. Point is, i can't settle for a pass in Networking cos i know my work, a pass is not satisfactory. However, Java is a whole different story. Im just aiming to pass Java, score for Stats & Collaborative Systems, the rest, think maximum C is sufficient, enough to earn me an average of ard 70 again. I really realise that in Uni, you have to be quite disciplined otherwise there isnt much time to study just before exams.

anyway, i shudnt be wasting time rambling here. I shud be spending every single second cramming stuff into my puny brain. Im suffering from a stiff neck and a huge craving for Slurpee.

Goodbye for now.

2005-09-14T21:22:00.000+10:00

omg i nearly did something extremelyyyyyy stupid!!!!! i was already thinking of it and on the verge of doing so. luckily i got distracted by something else and remembered just a few seconds ago realizing that thankfully i hadnt done so otherwise OMG i can soooo kill myself too!!!!!! its really hard to keep things to yourself, i can't contain it any longer....

off to face 3 papers this week, and the last paper next week. */me prays.

help meeeeeeeeee

2005-08-31T01:06:00.000+10:00

i just wanna complain now!!!!!!!!!!!

i have tonsssss of work to complete this week and next. And the following, its exams!!!

i hope these few weeks get by quickly.....

Cold

2005-08-24T03:32:00.000+10:00

Isn't it suppose to be spring now? Or is it still winter? The average temperature is higher than that of winter, but damn its still so cold! Its been really sunny & windy the past week, the wind is freezingggg....Still have to wear winter clothing. Yun misses the cold, i miss the warm feeling of summer. Haha.

Update of the weekend. I SPRAINED MY ANKLE ON FRIDAY!!!!!! Neh & i went to watch the Skeleton Key, the movie was at 7 & we bought tickets around 710 so we were a few minutes late. When we stepped into the cinema, the show had started & there were hardly any seats behind. Neh walked damnnnn fast to the front leaving me behind to find my way around in the dark. There were metal thingys along the edges of every step, I wore heels that day, then my god, i tripped on the metal edges n fell flat on my bum!!! N my ankle hurt like hell cos when i fell my ankle kind of twisted. I was in pain. Stupid Neh, all he cared about was to hurry n get seats so he wont miss the beginning part of the show cos he hates missing it. Before i fell, i called him to ask him to like "fu" me cos it was sooo freaking dark i couldnt see the steps, but he didnt hear. After i fell, i called him again he didnt hear me again. So i was quite irritated after that. My ankle really hurt cos i couldnt bend foot at all, so i was limping all the way home. On Sat i went for a foot massage. Bloody hell, cost me $70 for 1 hr!!! But ok la...it was worth it cos on Sunday my foot was almost healed, & today it is perfectly normal.

Ohhh...& i finally got to have pancakes on Saturday. We met De & Vicki for dinner, had Italian first cos the queue for pancakes was freaking long. Then we had pancakes for dessert after that. Craving to have Bonbon Rocher ice cream, but sadly, when i wanted it on Saturday they didnt have that flavour anymore.

Work is continuing to pile up, but thankfully it will be over soon. On a happy note, ive got a lot of things to bring back for my mum, feel so happy that i bought her freaking a lot of things this time. The best part is that we can share haha. & also i will be buying my bag when i go back yay!!! I feel so satisfied that i can save so much $ in such a short time even though im still spending. *laughs* Every time i step into the store, Mavis the sales girl who knows me cos i go there at least 3 times a week, says are you gonna buy something again? You're crazy, you shop & shop, but you need to save some money too you know. That girl is damn funny. She said to me, why don't you work here cos we need people like you to encourage other people to spend like you. I laughed & told her i will consider when i finish with the paper work. The last time 2 times i went there, i didnt buy anything, but chat with Mavis for about 20minutes then i just browsed through the clothes. The girls at Wanted are pretty familiar with me too. Its bad, i admit, but things in Sydney are just wayyy nicer than they are in Singapore in terms of quality, style (except price) & they are also limited so you would hardly find someone wearing the same thing.

Its 3am & im wide awake, had only 4 hours of sleep last night, couldnt really sleep well. i was super tired by 4pm but i had 2 naps today, one on the way home, two, a 2hour nap after dinner from 9-11pm hahaha. So i feel really energetic now. School's at 1.30 tmr, gonna wake up earlier to wash my hair 1st, its too cold to wash hair at night even with the heater in the toilet on. I think ill have some potato chips before i go to bed =)

If only smilies could show how sad i am

2005-08-18T15:32:00.000+10:00

Boohoo.....!!!!!!!! If blogger could post smilies i would post a thousand crying faces to show how disappointed i am now! I got my exam timetable 2 days ago, 1st paper is on the 12th of Sept, last paper on the 20th and a total of 5 papers to sit for. Before that i have a UNIX shell program due 23rd Aug (next Tues), 2000 word social responsiblity essay due 30th Aug, collaborative systems project due 5th Sept, Statistics assignment due 9th Sept and weekly assignments to hand in. OMG... im so going to die.

*sobs* I know Jem & Gwen are coming to Perth, i soooo badly wanna come up to Perth to see u guys but arggghhhh so much work and exams coming! Rin also asked Neh & I to go skiing with her & Leon, Nat & Ben, & Vicki on the 2nd, sadly i have to turn down both trips. Neither can i split myself into 3 to be able to accomplish all 3 things although i so badly want to. Maybe i can force my soul out of my body hahahaha ok that sounds creepy.

Vicki is up in Sydney now, will probably meet her this weekend, then she will be heading to Brissy then Melbourne to meet Rin & go to go skiing.... *sighsigh* What a bad time for all the very very tempting holiday offers.

Just finished drawing my rich picture for my part of the collaborative systems project. This project is quite fun actually. School has been a lot better this semester, everyone in class is like very "shou" with each other, everybody is able to mix with one another despite all the different races that exist in my cohort. Its nice that everyone is genuinely friendly.

Anybody watched Ozzie Idol? OMG i loveeeee Chris Luder's voice, not this week though, he was DAMN good during the semi-finals when i heard his voice i felt like i was melting. & he has really nice eyes.

Another favourite song, Micheal Buble - Home.

2005-08-15T22:13:00.000+10:00

Im so freaking pissed n disappointed now. 1stly, the gucci bag i want is actually more expensive in Sg than in Oz, & they dont have it in the colour i want. So i have to get it here instead, for slightly more expensive than i expected the Sg price to be. But nvm, since Sg doesnt have the colour i want, at least i can still buy it here.

Then, Neh gives me 1 big long lecture about how my bags are more important than my studies just because i make a big hoo-ha out of it. Like hello!?!? Making a big hoo-ha out of it is just for that moment while im just rambling. Then again, it wasn't a big hoo-ha, all i said what its more exp in Sg & how can it be cos everything else is more exp here, so maybe the price they gave me wasn't including the GST, but after calculation, after GST, its still cheaper here. Thats it. & just because i ramble about it and complain you classify that as my bags being more important than my studies? That is your interpretation of my priorities? So does that mean to say that if i ramble and complain about my studies means ohhhh my studies r sooooo important to me? PLS, you are being too simple minded. Not that it is a complicated thing, but hello!?!? In other words if i ask somebody to go eat shit & die means i literally want the person to do so? Gimme a break man. Like that means i cant say shit, or damn it, or u ass, or even oh my god? HAHAHA. Friends, don't mind my sarcasm...

There is only 1 thing to be happy about today. But no point talking about it because Neh will say other things are more important than my studies because i talk about everything and anything else BUT studies. Hah.

Best. Silence is golden. Ill keep my mouth shut, so nobody can judge what my priorities are based on what i talk about.

Hah again...what is the title of my blog?

2005-08-14T16:46:00.000+10:00

Had home made pizza for lunch today. It was YUMMMM............ *slurps* Had another ok week, made it through all the tedious tasks, im losing focus, dreading every day of school. Have thought about things in the long term and i have made a decision. Im always so fickle, but i hope this time its final.

I was packing my room today, found a few movie tickets lying around on the table and in my bag. I took out my diary to put the tickets into the pocket slot of my diary. It has been awhile since i read my diary, i flipped through the first few pages, silly memories were flooding back into my head. Then i came to a part where i felt like tearing a whole chapter out of the diary. Reading it, i felt a tremendous ache in my heart, as though the scars have not healed and hurt upon touch. However, i did not tear it out. I told myself, it is an important chapter of my life that i can look back on to remind myself never to take the same path. If i were to read it again, i will not let it affect me, but only serve as a reminder. So i decided not to tear it out (don't wanna spoil my diary either), closed it and kept it back in its secret place.

Collected my shirt and cardigan yesterday, am also planning on buying that pretty brown blazer tomorrow. Ive got so many things in mind to buy, Neh is numb these days when i ask him for his opinion on whether something is nice, the worst is when i ask him if i should buy it *laughs*. Previously, he would tell me "its up to u, its quite nice, if u really like it, buy it" These days, his reaction is "don't buy lah" no matter what i say. Hahaha. He's so patient with me, he knows my shopping habits better than anyone else. And he's f***ing sweet to me. I remember the last time i went back to Sg which was in June, we quarrelled the day before i left. We hardly spoke those few days cos i really didnt wanna speak to him and start another quarrel. The first weekend apart, he went to the city and he actually bought me the shirt i was eyeing, even though we were still in the "cool off" period. Its so sweet of him. Just last week, i was on my way home on the train, there was this young lady, she sat opposite me, and she was smiling to herself every now and then. She's not crazy, but i just wondered what she was thinking of, maybe she was thinking of happy thoughts which made her smile. I started thinking back on how Neh and i started going out. I remember 1 of our dinner dates, we were at IndoChine (before it moved to Wisma), i cant remember what we were talking about, but he was saying his hands were really rough after all that training and etc in the army and he told me to feel his palms. Thinking back, i felt like laughing cos, damn, was he flirting with me that moment or really meant nothing about feeling his palms? I remember another part about that same day. We went to town first before dinner, i told him i needed to meet Daph to pass her something. Daph and i were suppose to meet at A|X at Taka, then Neh asked me what was it that i needed to give her, i stupidly told him oh, damn i forgot to bring it, but i will still meet her to say hi. Haha he saw through the act. He knew that my only motive was to let Daph see how he looked. Hahahaha Neh only told me about this a few weeks ago. I feel like laughing, in fact i am laughing to myself now hahaha. 2yrs...it sure doesnt feel like it at all.

I love Barry Manilow's voice and his songs!

2005-08-12T12:08:00.000+10:00

This is funny...hahaha from The New Paper

JUNIOR asks his dad: 'Daddy, how was I born?'
His dad sighs and replies: 'Ah, my son, I guess one day, you would have to find out anyway.

'Well, you see, your mum and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.

'Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mum and we met at a cyber-cafe.

'We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

'As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.

'Six weeks later, your mum sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorised program activity from a self-extracting file, which had implanted itself in her BIOS.

'Then nine months later, a little pop-up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male!' '

2005-08-10T18:11:00.000+10:00

Im so frigging pisseddddddddddddddddddddd now!!! And that is an understatement cos i dont think any word can describe how pissed i am. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2005-08-10T01:14:00.000+10:00

night view from Nehs apt balcony: Sydney City Westfield

haha i like Neh in specs!

lastly my infamous cheeky grin, & a very yummy cookie with pink icing & colourful sprinkles

projects-homework-essays-assignments-exams

2005-08-10T00:14:00.000+10:00

*sigh* Just when i thought i could sit back a little and relax this week, work is piling again. I totally didnt know that another part of our on-going systems project is due for marking this FRIDAY. & we only got together to discuss it today, we allocated tasks to each member today, and we are trying to finish it asap or by thurs to consolidate everything into 1 document. shit asss....

i also had a really big "heart attack" this morning, got my Culture report back, my marking sheet was blank, & on my report was a note saying "Your paper is quite extraordinary. Please book and appointment to come and see me." My face turned pale, i thought i did it completely wrong, cos i didnt really put much effort into it and i kept changing my structure initially because i wasn't very organized with the flow of my ideas. I did exceptionally well, thats why she wanted to see me cos she said she wanted to have a copy of it to distribute to the other lecturers who are handling this report question too. Thank god i did well for this paper cos it has a 50% weightage for this module for this sem.... PHEW. It was also quite a bad day cos i forgot to bring my mobile & i didnt wear a watch so i had to keep on asking my friends what time it was, & i couldnt call Neh to tell him how nervous i was about the outcome of my report, all my classmates were coming to me & asking me what happened. When i got home, 1st thing i did was call Neh. Then i smsed Jeremy to tell him what happened cos he kept telling me don't worry your report is pretty good it cant be that bad.... He kind of made a bet with me, so haha i had to at least tell him the outcome of his bet right? He was damn right LOL. Oh well, so much for today.

Ive been feeling quite lethargic these few days, maybe its because of the weather. Ive been up late the past few nights doing research and stuff for my essay & other upcoming assignments, i feel like a zombie everyday. Time passes so fast when im online, a few clicks away, its already 3am and i have to get up at 7. Yet every Tuesday, Jeremy always says i look fresh. The weather has been quite shitty, hot & cold, hot & cold, when i leave the house at 8, its freaking cold that after deciding to wear open toed shoes, i have to change to boots. & ive been wearing boots the past few days that my damn ass classmate Eric said how come i always dress like im going horse-riding? LOL i was like horse-riding? wtf? ok maybe cos i wear a blazer, & skinny jeans tucked into my boots. but horse-riding? how the hell did he think of that? but hey, come to think of it, ive always wanted to go horse-riding, but nobody wants to go with me cos its too expensiveeee!!!!

Neh got his results last night, he did well, so it means hes gonna get his car soon cos this ass doesnt wanna ask to get his car just a bit earlier cos he had planned to get it by next yr. Hahaha....im gonna psycho him to get that car *evil laugh* Sian...workworkworkwork. Huge ongoing project, keep on having to meet Johnny & the other team members to discuss. Seriously, Philip & i always say Johnny is not human, for example, a normal person would spend on average 1 hour on a particular assignment, but Johnny would spend about 6 hours on it. On top of completing the assignment with FULL marks, he would proof-read every single point, to make sure nothing is left out, his work is all CRYSTAL CLEAR he really does more than what is expected. Philip & i just shook our heads and mumbled pei fu......which is why i made him my role model. The shocking thing is that hes freaking 29yrs old when he looks not more than 25, he has a reallly boyish face, very fair & has damn rosy cheeks. Philip mentioned that he had 5yrs of work experience, so that sums up why he's so meticulous with everything, and he always has a clear idea of what is expected because he has the experience in the "real world". Again, i salute him.

Been listening to this song for days. My current favourite song.
Tina Arena - Chains

2005-08-05T00:46:00.000+10:00

Hey girls...when i come back, i really need to talk to all of you about a serious issue. I think most of us will actually encounter this issue or at least have some brush with this. Just remind me k. Its important cos i need some opinions and its easy for all of us to talk abt it because we have the same basic beliefs.

Counting down...

photo whoring

2005-08-03T02:31:00.000+10:00

i love my pink doggy PJs!!!

sorry ah i know the pictures are damn big...i already resized them but they're still huge. lazy to resize again.

2005-08-02T17:13:00.000+10:00

I have a new role model. Johnny Cheng Yin Lung.

I Crystal Natalia Lazaro, pledge to try my best to accomplish all tasks with effort, i will try my best to wake up at 7 to attend hypnotist-cum-lecturer Mr James Hu's Unix lectures on Wednesday mornings, irregardless of how sleepy he makes everyone, how he laughs at his own jokes and coming to a class of only 5-10/40+ students. I will try my best to concentrate on my work at home and not spend more time online than on my work. I will also try to visit the library to borrow useful books for my subjects (i haven't been to the library before). I will stop shopping in school and even during classes and concentrate in class and jot down important points.

Backache

2005-08-01T00:58:00.000+10:00

I feel like an old woman. My back is aching like crazy! I guess ive been spending too much time on the computer today. On top of that, ive been snacking like crazy too. Its the weather...it really is the weather. After eating so much, my stomach feels so bloated yet i still have the urge to eat somemore. I think ill have the last piece of TimTams now before i sleep.

The weekend was ok...finally got past 2 obstacles what a relief. Went for the Sexpo on Saturday too. It was a huge disappointment! The 2 event halls were just filled with stalls selling skimpy lingerie & sex toys. There were some stage performances though, but it was just ok. What a waste of our money. Plus, they kept our tickets at the entrance so we couldnt keep it. I usually keep the tickets of special events & put them in our photo album. Oh well.

Im so dreading this semester...Cant wait for it to end. On sunday nights, i dread going to sch the day, all i look forward to is fridays and the weekends. *sigh* I hope i can quickly move out. Just hope everything goes as planned for now. *sigh again* Another week of school again. Sian is the word. Cant wait for this friday.

Feeling really really sian now.

2005-07-27T00:45:00.000+10:00

Im back! haha. What happens when you are trying to do something and you are so distracted by something else? THINGS SCREW UP! I was changing my IE settings while watching tv. My attention was focused on the tv and not my laptop so i didnt really pay attention to what i was clicking. Then i screwed up the settings and i couldnt access some webpages anymore, couldn't blog anymore, my browser refused to allow me to load Blogger so i had to post that last msg from the com downstairs (which isnt mine). Good news is that its back and running now!

Hahaha..... past few weeks have been quite ok. Been loving the sun these few weeks, cant wait for spring. Im sick of covering myself up from neck to toe everyday to shield myself from the blistering cold (haha exaggerating). I feel the need to bare some skin once in awhile, i miss wearing tank tops and flip flops. Ive also caught a mild cold because of this darn weather.

Been eating non-stop since winter. I think i put on another kilo since the last time i weighed myself so that totals to 2kg ever since i came to Sydney. Not bad... not bad at all. I was trying a new top a bought yesterday and realised i look a bit like a scarecrow, so i kind of told myself i have to eat like mad so i can gain more weight! Neh bought me the famous Phi Pies from Matraville last week yummmm! Ohoh we finally watched a movie after soooo long. Fantastic 4 was ok lah, i expected the story to be better & for the baddie not to be defeated so easily. But i can guarantee there will be a part 2, as always like other Marvel comics movies. And i have to add that Johnny played by Chris Evans is sooooooooooooooooooo cute!!!!!!!!! Even Neh who rarely thinks anyone is good looking agreed. Hmm...but i just checked out his biography on Yahoo; he looks very very different in the photo... Hmm..i wonder what other movies are good. YESSSSSSSSSSSS THE SEXPO IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!! Neh & i are gonna go see it this Saturday!!! Haha...Jeff would be so jealous cos there will be real porn stars & u get to take a photo with them. I saw some guy's picture at the Sexpo in Melbourne, he was cupping the porn star's boob! Thats how up-close u can get...so guys would be really interested in going.

Gotta go to Medibank to claim my medical fees tmr morning. Went to see a doctor last week. The medibank private clinic was closed so i had to go to a normal MediCare clinic and consultation only was $50!!! Plus meds cost me $80. Wah lau its really freaking expensive to see a doc here. Then i think ill shun bian collect my stuff then head for school. Then go get my shoes after school and have a Zinger for lunch. Im addicted to Zinger! Oh & i wanna have BonBon Rocher icecream again cos we bought 1 yesterday but i went in a shop, Neh waited outside, i took quite long cos i was trying on something & by the time i came out Neh had to finish the ice-cream was it was melting! I think its damn shiok to have icecream in winter.

Last point. Im not sure if some of you know yet, Yun i already told u. Anyway ive got something up my sleeve. *Cheeky Grin* okok i better stop before i get all excited & let the cat out of the bag.

Jeana >>> U got me hooked onto Raining On the Sky!!!

Time to sleep...Good nite!!!!!

Notice

2005-07-06T23:54:00.000+10:00

This blog will be closed until further notice. Tagboard will still be up if you still want to tag me.

Au Revoir

2005-07-06T23:52:00.000+10:00

Feeling a wave of emotions now. Not good...not good...

2005-07-05T18:33:00.000+10:00

I have been toying with the idea of getting a prime-time job since im pretty free and my timetable is quite flexible. I have yet (yess....since feb) to apply for a change of class for my visa, one that allows me to work part-time. I already have a few places in mind, its quite easy to get a job cos a lot of places are shorthanded and are currently looking to hire. So i hope once i get a reply from DMIA which would be in a bout a months time, i can quickly send my resumes and go for interviews and hopefully i can get the job on my no. 1 list. I was told by a friend that i have a big advantage and should just go straight to the store, ask for the manager, enquire abt prime-timing and maybe get an on-the-spot interview. My parents are really supportive about this. Besides getting extra cash to mend my burnt pockets, i get to enjoy some veryvery special priviledges if i continue working after a year, which, i would likely want to. *fingers crossed* i hope DMIA speeds up their paperwork. The visa service is actually available online but im damn SUAY lah! The school office said i couldn't apply online because of some previous conflict of my eCOE when i was applying. Its their fault! Grrr...but anyway, time will pass quickly esp when i have so much to do.

I was damn pissed yesterday with Krisflyer. I called the hotline to change my flight cos ill be back in Sept. This ticket is a redemption booking cos damn im flying back every 3 months man, and since my dad has shitloads of mileage which is redeemable, why not redeem right? The ticket is booked under my dads account, but issued to my name of course since im the passenger. So i called Krisflyer, logged in using my dads account number and i was put through to the cust svc rep.

1st thing. I gave him my confirmation code, then he asked me for the Krisflyer account number, and then birthday and passport number. I didnt know my Dads passport number so i told him i was Mr Lazaro's daughter and i don't know my dad's passport number. Then he went on saying it is required for verification purposes. Then he asked if i was Ms Crystal Lazaro & i was like YES.. So he just repeated himself & explained that next time i need to produce the passport number to verify. Next, i told him i wanted to change my flight. Then he asked me for a reason. So i said well, im going back earlier instead of in Dec, so he asked again wat was my reason. I got pretty annoyed by this point cos damn, why is he making things so difficult. So i said, i have a holiday in Sept so im coming back. After saying so much. He freaking said that i cannot change my flight because it is a redemption booking & i have used the 1st half of the ticket in June. So i was damn pissed already cos bloody hell, if the reason for not being able to change the booking is because it is a redemption booking & i have already used the 1st half of the ticket (which he had seen earlier) WHY THE HELL ASK ME FOR A REASON why i am changing my flight? Ok, i asked a few more questions then hung up. I was quite irritated with this guy so i called my Dad & told him abt it. He said he would change the booking for me then. Abt 10mins later, he said he COULD change the booking and already done so. I was like WTF is wrong with that guy? Damn it i wasted like 15mins of phone calls which is not cheap at all here in Australia, to get lousy service? Too bad i didnt catch his name, otherwise i will complain!!! hahaha...i sound like a typical Singaporean, complain abt this & that.

Speaking of complaints, i can't stand this particular employee at Sydney City Myer. Her name is Louise. I had 2 bad experiences with her. And im pretty sure shes so nasty cos shes bloody racist. Ive observed how she treats Caucasian customers and how she treats other Asians. & the 2nd incident was quite bad, too long to explain. Neh said i should complain cos in Australia, service to customers is like really good, who knows i may get some compensation. But i don't really care abt that, im just really unhappy with the way THAT particular employee treats Asian customers.

Nehs having exams next week, haa..cant wait for the weekend. Its practically what i look forward to everyday. Its what motivates me & keeps me going throughout the day. & im starting to think that we should move in. But before that happens, WE have to consult MY parents. Im just quite irritated because i stay quite far, although its abt 35mins train ride, i still have to walk from the station to school. Well, the pros of living with my Aunt is that i don't have to cook especially on days when i end late & reach home at almost 7 or during exam time, & i only have to do my own chores (tidy up my room, do my own laundry). The cons: sometimes my Aunt's aslp & cant pick me up from the station so i have to walk home. The thing is, i don't really have a problem walking home even though its quite far, BUT the path is really hilly (really goes UPPPP n downnnn) and it kills my shoes cos going up steep slopes spoils my heels. & sometimes i have to walk when its so coldddd.... In addition, even though the train ride is not that long, i have to wake up 2 hrs b4 sch starts to get ready. & if i stay in the city, i probably only need abt 1hr to get ready cos sch is like 5mins from anywhere in the city. Plus if i stay in the city that means ill be taking bus to sch everyday which costs only $12.70 for 10 rides or even $20+ for a weekly ticket compared to a weekly train ticket of $33. I also feel as though im imposing on them even though my parents insisted that we pay them rent (although much at cheaper than compared to living by myself). So, im just bearing with it cos staying with them costs a lot less than living alone, whereas if Neh & i live together, id probably be paying only abt a max of $100 more than what im paying now. Besides, Neh will be getting a car at the end of this year so transport will be a lot better too. A lot of people are like saying, since you are STILL paying for rent at your Aunt's might as well just pay a little bit more so i can stay nearer to school & save time on transport.

Hai~ so many pros & cons, i don't know what to do.

Can't wait for the end of this month!!!

2005-07-02T23:04:00.000+10:00

Hello ppleee...i know ive been MIA for quite some time since i was in Singapore. Had a change of plans so i came back to Sydney earlier which was last week, sorry didnt tell u guys so that we could arrange to meet up earlier cos it was just a bit too sudden and i still had a lot of things to do... yeah procrastinating again & left everything till the last minute hehe.

Since i got back, everything has been a joyride. Friday marked my 2nd anniversary with Neh. I just have this enormous feeling of joy, i know i discussed some issues with Yun, but guess what? All those bad feelings are longggg gone. It never crossed my mind anymore & everything has just been absolutely wonderful, i think im in heaven. Now i know what it really feels like to be in bliss. To love and to have these feelings reciprocated. I never really felt so strongly, the feelings are just growing at a very rapid rate. Seriously, these 2 years don't feel like it at all, i still feel as though we just met not long ago, Neh says that this feeling is good. Im not sure if its good or bad, but i just know that im veryveryvery happy now. I was probably worrying/thinking too much before.

Neh has been nagging at me. Since i came back, i bought 8 pairs of shoes Hahahahhaha & other sutff too. I felt sooo shiok carrying those paper bags, Neh kept insisting on helping me carry some cos he said i was a "road" hazard. But i insisted that i wanted to carry everything myself, cos it feeeels damnnnnnn shiok to be carrying so many shopping bags. Can't blame. Everything in Sydney now is on sale. & ohhhh!!! I met Karen, this girl who was from our primary school, i cant remember which class she was from, i think Ixora or Rose or something like that. I think she went to STC in Sec, i don't really know her, but i kind of got to know her during my "crooked" years, i think she knew Chap. Anyway I met her outside Nine West. I was like omg! Karen right? & she went Crystal right? She's transferring here this semester to Sydney U. Didnt get her number though, it was her turn to enter Nine West while i was on my way out & the lady guarding the door was like telling us to go elsewhere if we wanted to chat. Its freaking rare to meet someone i know from Sg cos there aren't many S'poreans here in Sydney.

Ahh...i suddenly remember i still have something to do which i have delayed since Feb, hahahhahaha. I should do it this week.

Ok..time to satisfy my sweet tooth!

Update

2005-06-08T15:54:00.000+10:00

ok just a quick update on what i've been up to. IM BACK!!! YES!!! hehe. Haven't done much though, the 1st weekend was spent shopping, and not to mention entertaining neh's nonsense, only to find out after that, that he was stressed out over exams which is still 6 weeks away. But things are A-Okay now. omg i bought so much over the past few days, 3 pairs of shoes, n more clothes. I finally got to lay hands on the stash i purchased while i was in Sydney, Daph came to my place the night i arrived cos she was so eager to pass me everything *laughs*. Its really good to be back. Im glad nothing much has changed, but im surprised that stuff in Far East are actually cheaper than i thought (or maybe its because everything i see in Sydney costs at least AUD80). Its nice to see that some things here are still affordable.

Got to eat the few things i was craving for badly, Old Chang Kee, the Japanese pancake thing, & Scotts beef ball noodles. I can't think of what other things i feel like eating now that im back. Its scary how time flies, its already Wed, the 2nd week im here. =( that means im going back soonnnn...........oh dear. I kind of dread going back actually. Everything here seems more familiar, not to mention CONVENIENT! urgh..

Another lazy day at home today. Suppose to call my dentist to make an appt, still need to send my laptop for servicing cos apparantly my "B" key doesnt work too well without numerous pressing. Im just soo lazy to get things done. Its so nice to just stay home, play games, play with my pets, do some sewing, besides the weather is SOOOO HOT here i feel so sticky each time i come home. Ahh..its so nice to be home. Listening to DI.fm now, been so long since ive had the chance to, the home network back in Syd is sooo laggy.

Haha ok enough of complaining and comparing. This weekend is GOING TO BE A BLAST!!!! Im so eagerrr...just 2 more days. Going to do Neh's PPT presentation for him now. hehe he BRIBED me to do it for him....kekekek *evil laugh*

2005-05-21T01:54:00.000+10:00

this is damn funny.
an msn convo with my mum:

Mami says:
why your name now "addicted"? What are you addicted to?

addicted says:
addicted to internet

damn it, yun just reminded me that i shud have said Ski, and in the 1st place THATS the reason i change my nick to addicted. DAmn funny my mum, she probably thought i was on shit or something hahahahahaha.

2005-05-21T00:09:00.000+10:00

I am soooo......tired. I was watching American Idol while studying and fell asleep during the elimination. When i woke up, i felt as though i had slept for more than half an hour when in fact it was only 15mins. All these late nights have just drained the life out of me.

I was just reading yesterday's post, and i suddenly thought, shit! Why was i so stupid? I should have went to the toilet cos the toilet is just beside the lift, that would have mislead him. I also should have taken a bus to Town Hall and took the train from there instead of taking the usual route. Anyway, its over, but it was just a thought. He came to school today to hand in the report draft too, he saw me, lifted his brows at me, i just looked at him but didnt say hi. Good. It should stay that way.

Managed to make a quick trip to town today. Bought a MNG top. Also finally settled for black boots, i was looking for brown all this while and couldn't find any nice ones, and i totally didnt consider black cos i already have 1 mid calf pair. These boots were kind of a hasty decision, but they were really nice and were going for a pretty reasonable price so i just got them.

My hands are cold, im tired, yawning, and feeling kind of greedy but my body is telling me not to get out of my seat. Won't be going out tomorrow, have to study, Neh will meet me at the Westfields at my place then we'll just have a quick dinner at the cafe. I heard the pies at that cafe are suppose to be good. Talking about pies, i really miss the chicken & mushroom pie from Pi. Its soooo good, but they only have 1 shop which is located at Nehs old place, near his school. Damn, those were reallllllly good. I just remembered that i have yet to buy dog treats for Tori and Whiskas for Tomtom, have to get them tomorrow otherwise i really have no time cos i won't be free until my exams end next week. Even then, i only have half a day to pack and buy everything before i fly back the next morning. I have quite a few things i need to bring back.

List of stuff to bring back to Sg
1. Pet food
2. M&Ms White Choc for Daph & Sis
3. Daph's stuff
4. Some of my heels (4 inchers are practically useless for me here)
5. Scarves for Neh's sisters
6. 4 dozen KK for the girls (YES!! im bringing KK for u girls!) & everyone else but sadly none for myself =( haha
7. Jeans & pants which i bought here that require alteration. alteration costs $15 here wth...
8. extra bedsheets which my mum made me bring here. i don't intend to move out from my uncle's so i dun need bed linen anymore.

& a few other stuff which i can't think of right now. i also have quite a few stuff to bring back to Sydney

1. More winter clothes & 3 more pairs of jeans
2. The remaining shoes
3. All the stuff i bought in Sg while i was in Sydney
4. Sour tapes which i can't live without
5. A few books
6. Toiletries (make-up etc)
7. Stationary (i never used so much liquid paper until now)

and, girls, u want anything? choc? bloom cosmetics or anything? just tag me n let me know k.

Traumatized

2005-05-20T00:07:00.000+10:00

Yesterday, i tried to escape from the korean guy. Lecture ended, i was chatting with my friends for a few minutes. During lecture, everytime the back door opened, i always turned around to see if it was him, but he didnt come for lecture. Next thing i knew, he was there after lecture. He came SPECIALLY for me. He was chatting with the other guys and when i saw him i IMMEDIATELY left. I decided to take the lift so he wouldn't be able follow me. When i left the building i walked as fast as i could, quick small steps. I just kept walking, and i turned back a few times to see if he "found" me and caught up with me. I reached the main traffic light safely. I was waiting to cross, turned back once, phew, he wasn't there. I was a bit relieved then. Then i turned back another time. SHIT!!!! There he was!!!!!! He actually came after me! Damn it! He saw me look at him. There was no way i could hide. Then he stood beside me and asked where i was going, i said i was rushing back. He asked why, i just lied and said it was a family emergency. He asked if i was going home, i said no. Then he asked again, what was it about, bf or what i just said something happened at home. i felt soooo uncomfortable cos shit ass, i almost got away, but i didnt!!! then he commented that it was so difficult to take a photo of me, so i repeated myself again with the same excuse saying exams is just next week and i really need to study. he said again, it'll probably take only 2hrs. i said i really had no time because after exams i will be flying back str8 away and will only return 3weeks later. besides 2hrs is not very short, i can do plenty with 2hrs instead of wasting my time with him. he asked for my number, i paused for a moment then i reluctantly give it to him. i mean, he asked, how am i suppose to refuse? after that, almost reaching the train station i said very straight forwardly, "why don't u go look for someone else" he just said he's always looking. but if he is i dun see why he still continues to pester me. before we parted ways he asked me to call him if i was free, then he realised i didnt have his number, and i just said nvm u can miss call me or something.

that was probably the most traumatizing experience for me. i mean, dammit why do i have to keep avoiding him and "live in fear". in the 1st place i never said OK to him, everything was see how, or just no answer. somehow he assumed that i was willing thats y im in this awkward situation now. the numerous times i always gave hints by using sch work and exams as excuses that i wasn't free. i think its pretty obvious isn't it? but he just doesnt get it!!! and if i were to tell him straight that in the 1st place i was never interested and i NEVER consented, i think it would be very harsh?

im just stuck now, i dread seeing him in school. Helpppppppp

2005-05-17T12:58:00.000+10:00

omg just shoot me nowww....right nowwww. juz did my visual basic lab exam. i feel like killing myself!!!! my whole thing couldnt work cos it couldnt read the data text file. and what was the error? just missed the word "Not" and didnt erase 1 of the arrays....OMG!!! i think im gonna fail becos it couldnt read the file!!! im so freaking out right now. if the thing could read everything would have been PERFECT!!! a perfect score!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

maths quiz later, i BETTER do ok otherwise damn it. tuesday is screwed up!!!

its so freaking cold today and rainy...the aircon was at 18degrees when we were having the test, i was so stressed out and the aircon was so cold that i was shaking.

*sighs*

Hooray!

2005-05-16T23:58:00.000+10:00

Hooray for the hard work that has paid off well. Despite severely lacking concentration over the weekend (i absolutely could not even write out a 250 word report abstract on Sat night) due to the many distractions *ahem*, i finally completed the draft report and the abstract on Sunday night. Scored full marks for the abstract too which leaves me 5 marks away from a high distinction for the overall score of the whole unit despite lacking another 20 marks which has yet to be assessed. Really happy with my performance so far.

Finally got through today, it was such a hectic day, math assignment as usual, but class ended early so it wasn't too bad. Been pigging out like crazy every night while doing my work, Wanwan Xue Bing, chips, my current fav Ski smoothie bar, snickers, pizza squares and chicken in a biskit. I know i know, all junk food and full of MSG *laughs* but its very convenient especially when you're up in the wee hours. Now i understand why Yun says KKs are a good midnight or rather wee-hours snack. Theres plenty of food for me in the fridge downstairs and in the walk-in food cupboard, but im too lazy to walk down. So the snacks are really convenient, especially when i keep them in the "goodies drawer" on my right. Its sooooo accessible. Talking about all this food is making me hungry now kekekeke.

This is what ive been addicted to the past week or so. Yun go get it in this flavour!

I don't feel like finalizing my report now. I still have 2 sections to write. Im actually writing a report about the psychology and characteristics of virus writers. The prescribed text of which is compulsory to include in my references, is sooooooooooo interesting. Theres this idea of how viruses were created and spread using the concept of real biological bacteria and evolution, about viruses using genes when making new variants or mutation u may call. In the future, viruses will even procreate; having male and female viruses that will be able to mate and have offspring.

Now. How cool is that?

2005-05-14T23:24:00.000+10:00

I keep on getting weird encounters with pple in school...this week's encounter was wayyyyy off. i was a bit freaked out. i don't think ill reveal the details here.

and im seriously addicted to the Ski smoothie bars. i finished 2 boxes in 3 days earlier this week. then i bought 3 boxes yesterdat ate 4 bars at 1 go...they smell sooooo nice and taste berrylicious!

i bought a pleated tweed skirt from DJ yesterday, and 3 knitted scarves, 2 from the kids dept cos they were dirt cheap and really cute! 1 of them has pompoms at the end!!! also put 2 sweaters on lay-by few days ago, cos i couldnt decide which colour to buy, i spent almost 1 hour circling the 4th floor of Myer holding both colours, trying to decide which to get.

went shopping with neh today, this time, for his stuff. bought 5 pieces of clothing. felt so satisfied cos its usually so difficult to psycho him to buy something. then had KFC for dinner today cos Neh was craving for it. he never tried it ever since he came to sydney. we ordered the new hot and crispy chicken. the last time i had KFC i was so disappointed cos they didnt have crispy and the wicked wings were inedible!! at least the hot and crispy is reallllyyyy close to the crispy chicken we have in Singapore. the whipped potato is not as fantastic though. and i really miss Macca's ice lemon tea. cravingggg for that. the weather is getting really cold. it was so cold on monday, 8 degrees, i could even "see" my breath as i exhaled. my hands, nose, and cheeks were so cold they felt numb. before coming here, i thought gloves were a little OTT for australia, but i think otherwise now. oddly, my skin isn't really dry as compared to the last time i came to australia, my lips aren't chapped either. i never needed lip gloss here. realllyyyy weird.

im so dead. i have 1 math assignment, 1 summary and draft report due monday, VB prac exam, math quiz and project presentation on tues, friday final report due, then monday is the start of the real nightmare. then 2 weeks from now, Hello Singapore!!! yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i know i sound mad, but i think i should start packing my luggage cos i have a few things that i wanna bring back, and i might just forget. besides im flying the morning after my last paper so i have less than 24hrs to pack. a bit rush so im gonna start early and take it slow. plus i am bringing back abt 4 boxes of KK (if possible though)

my dear yun, tell mr g to keep his stomach empty for his KK this fri/sat hahaha. if its mailed out on thurs evening, hopefully it'll reach u by friday.

ok stop rambling, i better get back to work otherwise i have to forfeit my already deprived sleep.

2005-05-12T03:25:00.000+10:00

Why do humans eat forbidden fruit knowing it is forbidden? Why do humans yearn for things they cannot have?

The mind is strong, but the flesh is weak

2005-05-08T23:36:00.000+10:00

It was a greatttt weekend! Aunt Emilia & family are over in Sydney for a holiday and staying at our place. They arrived on Saturday morning around 830. I was awoken by the huge ruckus. Allegra & Marcia were screaming and jumping about, it was so noisy that i had to get up even though i slept really late on Friday night. Met Neh in the afternoon, walked around a bit in town, went to check out some stuff which i plan to get year end. We went home at about 4, spent some quality time, then both of us fell asleep. I don't usually take naps or fall asleep but i was really sleepy. The last i remember before we fell asleep was when we were talking about...ok now i forgot. Anyway, i think i woke up after 10mins, saw that Neh was asleep too so i went back to sleep. I kept waking up every few minutes to see if he was really asleep or just pretending to sleep so as not to wake me up, but realised that he was really asleep so i went back to sleep. Woke up about half an hour later, when i opened my eyes, he woke up too. Somehow, i felt very blissful at that moment. After waking up, we started chatting and talking about the past when we were a lot younger, then he started to tell me about his army life and mentioned a creepy ghostly encounter when he first entered army. We just kept chatting and forgot the time, it was almost 8 when we realised and it was time for dinner. Its been so long since we had such nice chats, felt like the getting-to-know-more-about-you-moments before we got together.

Today, i stayed home while everyone went to Tarongga Zoo. I didn't wanna go cos i had tons of work to do, and exams are coming. Then in the evening we went to Central for dinner. Ate so much that my jeans felt like they were about to burst. I really enjoyed dinner, Aunt Emilia commented that Allegra looks soooo much like me, and i added that she was the mirror image of me when she was abt 1yr old; the true blue Lazaro look. On the contrary, Amadea looks like her mum, and Marcia looks like her dad. Despite hardly meeting up with all my aunts and uncles because everyone lives in different parts of the world, i could feel the closeness. Its been a long time since we had such family dinners, and i really enjoyed todays.

I cant help but tear as i type, today is also the first Mothers Day that im away from home. I sent my mum an sms this afternoon to wish her. I imagine all the kids celebrating Mothers Day together with their mums, while my mum's only child/daughter is not around to celebrate it for her...I just wish i could teleport home right now.

These 3 weeks are going to be really busy. I have 3 tests this week, 1 project and 1 essay to hand up next week. The following week, exams start. I can't wait to get through everything and come home!

If i never knew you, i'd have lived my whole life through
empty as the sky, never knowing why
lost forever, if i never knew you

September

2005-05-04T01:24:00.000+10:00

Feeling as chirpy as this song now, Earth Wind & Fire - September. This song never fails to make me feel energetic and chirpy. It gives me such a "Summer" feeling. I got hooked to this song after watching Dancing With The Stars, when Holly & Mark danced to this song.

The weekend was really weird...so many weird things happening. Gonna be a DAMN busy month. Have loads of work to do and exams coming. I can't wait to go back to Sg. Already made the neccessary preparations. i will be back for 19days!!! I even feel like packing even though im going back in abt 1 months time hehehe

Ba De Ya...Dancing in September

2005-05-01T03:37:00.001+10:00

haiz...i miss someone...

Mr Right

2005-04-27T23:55:00.000+10:00

well, i really don't know whats with the "trend" of getting married young these days. other than the old friend i bumped into recently who just got married, my mum told me my old childhood friend, peter, also just got married recently. coincidentally these 2 old friends are also in sydney now. and peter is my age. that mighty young for a guy i say. i really can't believe it. its pretty scary to think of it, you never know whose wedding bells you'll be hearing next.

maybe some feel there is never a "right" age to get married, as long as they feel that they've found the right person and they are ready to settle down they just do it. for me, at 20, my life hasn't even really got started. im still in school, i haven't really met enough people, i haven't enjoyed my life enough. marriage has never even crossed my mind (for now, that is). to think that some people say "it takes a lifetime to find that perfect one" 20yrs isnt much of a lifetime for me, i haven't even had enough time to decide whos the perfect one for me, maybe i haven't even met him yet. i guess some are just lucky they found the right person, at the right time, right place.

speaking of time, i recall a casual conversation with my aunt and uncle in the car, with the kids. they were talking about dating, so i asked them how long they dated before they got married and my uncle said 2yrs! like wow, thats not very long, BUT i can understand because for them, they were old enough so they didnt have to date long, as long as they felt they were right to be together and that the time was right. we are still so young, we still have so much ahead, so many people to meet, how do you know if your current bf is the perfect one or not? ok i think it is easier to tell if he isn't the perfect one... but when you don't know, what makes you decide if he is the one or not? how do you know when that person is mr right? is love just like a trial and error?

since the topic is marriage here, how bout infidelity. we all know people change, you never know what will happen. IF one day, you find out your husband cheated on you, will you turn a blind eye and cry silently or trash it out with him? will you get divorced? i mean, getting married isn't just like getting into another relationship where breaking up is easier than a divorce. how strong are you? especially if you already have kids...

marriage is starting to scare me a bit. i certainly don't wanna be like gabrielle solis, and well, affairs just complicate things further.

2005-04-26T23:24:00.000+10:00

i was having lessons today when the store called me to say my shoes had arrived. i asked them to put it on hold for me and ill go see it tmr. then i was just thinking about the lay-by system in Australia. in a way its good cos if you really really want it but don't have the cash you can reserve it (although thats usually not the case), and putting a deposit means they won't release your item to other interest buyers. the lay-by period is usually 6 or 8 weeks depending on the store. and if you actually change your mind, most stores will allow a refund for the deposit although your lay-by fee won't be. but anyway its only around $2 for most stores. the bad part of that, in my case, is that if i really like it, but can't bear to pay so much, yet i can't bear to part with it, ill just put a lay-by so i can take my time to think about it. in the end i always can't bear to let it go cos since i already put it on lay-by, its almost "mine" hahaha.... shopping is a monster thats always out to get me. then again, when im happy i shop, when im bored i shop, when im angry i shop, when im sad i shop, even when im hungry i eat and shop. i can't find a reason not to shop. its so hard to refrain. the good thing about customer service and benefits here is that you can have a full refund for any item, even sale items, if theres a defect, or even if you change your mind. sometimes they would give you a credit note for change of mind items instead of a full refund, so that way you have to spend in that store. but who cares, as long as i get my money back in some form right?

its bad...for people like me, lay-by is bad. and damn it...today daph purposely made a date with me to go for the fashion show on the 5th knowing that my body is obviously stuck here. but nvm my mind will be there. hahaha. ahhhh i can't wait to go back and get all my stuff that i have been buying back there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-04-26T02:18:00.000+10:00

I was just calculating my expenses for this month. Shitttt!!! I overspent for this month in just 1 week. Im still within my given allowance, but over my own limit. So no $200 savings for this month... I was actually gonna buy my boots on Friday. I finally decided between the 2 i had in mind, but when i went to David Jones to get them they weren't on sale anymore!!! Grrr.....Good thing though, cos if i got them i wouln't have eyed the beautiful pair of jeans and got them on Saturday. Im dying for this month to pass cos i still have 2 items on lay-by which im going to pay off and collect by early next month. And Neh's birthday is coming, have to go get his present. Thank god i already know what to get or else i will be in a dilemma again. Haa....shopping always makes me happy. At least it keeps me from being irate for now.
__________________________________________________________________

Back to the previous issue, i just dont understand why a simple message or set of instructions has to go through internationally and eventually end with me. She knows her son is a procrastinator (thanx yun for bringing the word up) and she definitely knows he is totally clueless about housework and everything else so whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i repeat whyyyyyyyyyy can't she call him and just check on him now and then? moreover its not like its gonna cost her more on telephone bills becos they do call him every few days or at least once a week now. what i mean is, instead of just asking how are you why not go straight to the problem instead of going through mediums.

Im totally not pissed or irritated with him for being such a baby. Im really ok with it i don't expect him to know everything (or anything) about housework. And im fine with doing all these things for him. But at least spare me with the complaints when she simply could have told him what should have been done because i have done it a gazillion times and i don't need other pple to remind me that I should do something about it. I have done my part.

Even Neh thinks that my mum treats him like "the son she never had", i second that, in comparison to how his mum prepared him before he left. Seriously, she really has the let-him-fend-for-himself attitude towards Neh. I even recall her telling me that. And Neh also doesnt mention his needs or difficulties to his parents. There was once, he actually wanted to borrow money from me because he needed to pay the 6month bond for the apt and still needed to set aside some for the houseware and stuff. And im like, huh why don't you just ask your parents to send you more. because initially he didnt have the intention of moving so soon so they didnt send him that big an amount so that he could move anytime. he just refused to ask his parents because he said he just didnt like asking for money and just wanted to borrow from me and would return it to me when he receives the next lump sum in 2 months. Seriously, that EGO. Its just plainnnnnn ego that he doesnt want to ask for money from his parents even though its for the apartment and neccessities. I just didnt like the fact that he diedie also won't ask from his parents. On that point, I feel that is not being very fair to me because hey even though he would return me the money upon receiving the next sum, its not as if my money is spare cash. I have to live on that too. Honestly i have absolutely no qualms about lending him money. But we're talking ego now. Any advice or comments on this issue would be gladly appreciated.

Anyway, its so funny how the actions and reactions of both of them just eventually end up with me. Like HELLO!?!?!? Why am i tying up all the loose ends??

It can get really frustrating after sometime. I know im his gf and i should help him. I practically do everything for him, but point is, there is that 5% where i can't do everything for him, so as a parent she should step in and help in or at least nag or remind him whenever she calls, instead of telling my mum!!!!!!!!!

Now im beginning to resent the fact that our mums know each other.

2005-04-20T23:19:00.000+10:00

I don't know why, but i feel really despressed for no apparent reason.

Maybe i haven't dealt with such feelings for quite a long time that suddenly i feel as though everything is crashing down on me.

Maybe im just homesick and that i just miss too many things.

Maybe i just need to sleep this over and hopefully i will be back to my usual self tmr morning.

2005-04-20T01:40:00.000+10:00

Feeling very heavy hearted... Heartache. I wish i could play God for a day.

Missing You

2005-04-17T23:07:00.000+10:00

Ok, i've gotten over all the hysteria. Put that silly phase aside. Im over it!!!

Was looking through all the photographs i have in my HDD. I sort my photos by date/event. And just seeing them makes me miss everyone so much. I really love the ones during Mau's bday last yr, and the Xmas gathering we had at Yun's in '03, there were some really great pictures. We really had fun times, *sighs* why do we have to grow up? Everyone, Jamie, Yun, Mau, Adele, Louey, Gwen, Gen, Sue i miss you all...

And Jeana, i miss you too. I was looking at the silly pictures we took at Centro at Louisa's party, Xmas 2003, halloween... those were good times. A pity there werent many pictures of later events...

i know i know...everyone has to grow up and stop thinking about fun fun fun...

I just really miss everyone... =(

Addiction

2005-04-17T03:36:00.000+10:00

Having my own laptop is bad. I stay up till really late everyday surfing the net, reading a lot, editing photographs, watching videos of friends and my pets repeatedly. Before i had a laptop i always felt that i never ever had enough time at the computer cos whenever my dad comes back from work, he would always wanna use the computer. So now that i have my own, i think its really really bad. The internet is really addictive. Theres chuckloads of information to read and once you start you can't really bring yourself to stop. and OMG its 4am now.

Gotta wake up early to meet Neh & his mum to go to the Fish Market tmr. No. 1 i dont know if i can wake up since im still awake at this hour (i know its my fault if that happens). No. 2 even if i can wake up, i dunno if i should go cos i was suppose to do my work just now, but i couldnt get access to my assignment question which is on the student intranet cos the website is down. So i havent started on that assignment at all which is due on Tuesday. i mean, this decision to head to the Fish Market was really sudden, it was ok if i didnt go initially, but i cant remember how our convo reached to a conclusion that i would be going. i think i said something but i really cant remember.

i bumped an old friend in Chinatown today. i was VERYVERYVERY shocked to see her because i havent seen her in years, the most shocking part was that SHE IS MARRIED. well, ok ive heard stuff about her from family friends and all that things havent been going right, but what i heard wasnt to this extent. and, i knew she was in sydney all this while, we were exchanging a few msgs on friendster and she gave me her contact number, i even stored it in my mobile phone but i just didnt call her. well, i am still recovering from the shock that she's married. my jaw practically dropped when she told me that and she even flashed her gigantic diamond ring and introduced her husband to me. he's quite young, definitely below 30.

we exchanged numbers and shortly after parting ways, she texted me and asked if we could meet up sometime. somehow or so i am rather reluctant to, cos i know her very well, and her character................. i told my mum about it. she said that i should try to talk some sense into her.

i am still shocked...

2005-04-16T02:36:00.000+10:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Dammit im having a headache now.. better go to bed its 2:40am am

Just simply hating myself nowwwwwww!!!!!!!!

2005-04-16T00:05:00.000+10:00

Im so in love with the song Scott Savol sang today on American Idol.

Hall & Oates - She's Gone

Indonesia: The Land of Money Making Opportunities

2005-04-15T23:28:00.000+10:00

for those who havent been to Indo and don't know what traffic is like, this is just a simple example.

At every U-turn, there will always be a young teenage boy, or an adult male standing at the bend of the turn controlling the traffic for those who are U-turning. Before these cars move off, they "tip" him with either 100 rupiah (approx SGD $0.20) or some even 200-500, what ever shillings they have basically. so can u imagine how many cars use that U-turn a day and how much he can earn in a day? Lets say 2000 cars pass that U-turn a day, thats
100*2000 = 200 000 (eq to SGD $40) so in a month, he earns Rp 600,000 which is SGD $1200. Thats probably what an office job would bring you. And its considered A LOT in Indo.

So last Dec when i went back, my family and i were on the way to the CBD area where my Aunt office is. She had to go back to the office to get something important, so the driver took the normal route they would take to work. This is really interesting. The main road led to a 1 lane side road, there was this young man standing on the road divider, and there was a medium size rock, probably about the size of 2 bricks, in the middle of the road. Then the car stopped. I asked my auntie what happened and why did the car stop? She told me that we have to wait for the man to roll the rock away so that cars could pass. Before the car moved off, the driver tipped the man off. My aunt told me that this young man stands there every single day, sometimes with a different rock. So, he earns money from rolling away rocks. Interesting.

Yes, this "job" involves standing there rain or shine. But can u imagine how many thousand cars pass that road every day since it is within the CBD area? You can surely earn a decent living out of that. I salute this man for his clever idea. I mean, since you can make a living out of practically ANYTHING in Indo, i think thats a pretty clever way to do so. Yet i don't see other people copying this idea. Some are just plain lazy to move a limb. They just sit there on the streets and stretch their hands out. Some are worse. They lie there, cover their faces with newspaper, sleep, have a small woven basket between their legs and expect money to drop into their basket.

2005-04-14T23:53:00.000+10:00

omg....i am soooo dead..... i am so so so so dead. i cant keep my eyes off the screen!!!!!!! help meeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! hahahahahha my god *excited*

2005-04-13T00:32:00.000+10:00

ouch...my left eye really hurts. think it must be my contacts.

the weather is getting colder and colder. and its gonna rain alot this week. i practically check the weather forecast everyday so i can avoid wearing shoes out, cos when it rains all my shoes get ruined. for some of my shoes, water actually seeps into the outer soles of my shoes/boots, until u can see the colour difference between dry and wet. and it takes dayssss to dry. i really don't want my shoes to spoil. so i just wear slippers to school everyday. comfortable also hah. i find it quite weird. the climate here is dry (as compared to Singapore which is sooo humid), yet whenever i sleep with wet hair, my hair doesnt dry by morning. and its quite irritating cos its damp and kind of out of shape. yah bad hair day for once. n i need a trim man. its growing too long. need to find a salon which doesnt charge such exorbitant fees for a mere trim. i walked past a salon not too long ago, i saw trim for ladies @ $80!!!! WTH...trim not cut you know. i think i will just end up cutting my hair twice a year whenever i go back to Sg...anyway i also hardly cut my hair...at most 3 or 4 times a year.

gonna collect my shoes tmr, saw this other pair of suede boots going on sale, its what ive been looking for but im having second thoughts abt it now cos its suede... and like i jus said, it rains alot. so if i wear anything suede and it rains...thats it man. i can say goodbye to it. so...im still thinking abt it...but maybe ill pass. if its gonna spoil (and its bound to cos it rains a lot) might as well dun buy n save money. its sooo hard to find a nice comfortable pair of brown boots.

i dunno y, but my classmates find it damn funny whenever someones hp rings in class. and the pple who always dont switch their hp to silent mode are either the HK, or the China pple. their ringtones are always some chinese song. i seriously dun see whats so funny abt it.

i cant wait to go back. i feel like eating so many things now. just thinking abt it is almost making me drool =D~ hahaha. and im craving for sushi. think will have it next week. nehs mum will be coming this friday, dunno where to bring her for dinner over the weekend...

watched dancing with the stars just now. YESSSSSS holly got voted out!!! don't really like her, although i have to agree that she danced damnnnnnnnn well today esp during the chacha. 1 of the judges gave her a 10! ian roberts is soooo gay (he is)...but hes so cute, not in the good looking way, its just the way he behaves. like a gentle giant. who cares if he cant dance for nuts. so its tom&kym and ian&nat left and its pretty obvious that tom&kym will win. tom is quite handsome hehehe. also watched the back to back double episode of CSI, i never fail to enjoy every episode. more about tv, i realise that advertisements here are pretty good. i especially like the yellow pages 1 about the wife calling up restaurants looking for her husband who has a distinctive hyena-like laugh...its really damn good. and the kraft cheese spread 1 also.

i suddenly feel damn hungry now. and i jus realise that i haven had instant noodles in like 2 months!?!? both good and bad. good because its bad for health, bad because how can i have not thought/craved for instant noodles in the past 2 months!?!?! now i really feel like having 1 packet...but its 1am im lazy to cook.

time to pack my bag, choose clothes for tmr and go to bed...annyonghi jumuship siyo..

2005-04-10T23:27:00.000+10:00

i have to start by saying that it suddenly feels cold in my room...my goosebumps are coming out and my hair is standing...weird. ok i dont wanna think abt it in another way...

had a good weekend, i loveee the military jacket i bought on friday im gonna wear it to sch tmr yay! also bought a couple more sweaters to prepare for winter. they were going pretty cheap anyway. and myer is having a 30% discount so i bought another top. didnt spend much though cos everything was on sale. so, quite satisfied with that. n i finally got my long awaited bag on saturday. i was sooooo happy that i carried it out the moment i layed my hands on it. overall, it was a good day. my afternoon was a little spoilt because the northern trains were not in service so i actually had to take an express bus to the next nearest station then take a train to the city. despite that, i really enjoyed my day out with neh. its been a long time since i felt that way. i guess i was just taking everything for granted, that i didnt really think abt how smooth n great everything has been between the 2 of us. of course there are occassional quarrels, but nahh...nothing serious. i can say everything has been blissful. i cooked dinner that night. made 4 dishes and potato salad for him to eat for the next few days. ill probably cook more on wednesday.

nehs mum will be coming this friday till the following sunday. i have sch so i wont be seeing her everyday. from my knowledge his mum n mine have been in touch. omg what is the world coming to? i mean, of course its good, but its so ODD!!!! i dont know... somehow i just feel really weird abt it. neh jokes abt this saying oh our parents are gonna be in-laws soon so its good that both our mums r getting along. n im just going no..no...no.... this is bad. hahaha. i told daph abt it quite long ago (cos this started right after my parents went back to Sg after "sending me off to sch here") even she said it was weird yet she couldnt explain why. and talking abt daph, we were on msn today, talking abt yet again the same topic, getting more n more excited. thats 1 of the things i really enjoy abt our friendship. same ol' topic, but theres always something new abt it, n we'll just go on & on & on. new bottles, old wine.

i wonder when is the poly graduation ceremony for my batch. i only know its in July. i received a call from EEE department about a month ago, the lady told me that i had been 1 of those selected to represent my course and give a speech during graduation day. i was pretty startled cos from my knowledge, usually the ones chosen would be those who did really well in poly. although i did pretty well in the last semester...2 ADs, i didnt think i would qualify because i really screwed up in yr 1 & 2? but anyway, the grad ceremony will be held in July and i won't be back in Sg so i juz told the lady that i was studying abroad and wouldn't be able to make it for the ceremony. its a pity though, cos its quite an honour and a rare chance. i told HZ abt it and she was like wahhh then she started telling sm and i think sm told wx and yeah word just got around until i even received a few smses from my polymates asking me abt it. like huh...wats with the big commotion. anyway, didnt manage to catch her on msn lately. the last time we chatted, she said she kinda missed me and i told her that was weird cos its not like we go out alot or something. but she said that it feels weird not having me around. i will def ask her out when im back.

i feel pretty slpy now despite waking up at 1pm today. my sleeping habits are turning bad lately. on days that i dont have to be up early the next morning, i would be surfing the net till almost 5am. time really flies when youre on the internet. theres so much to read, so much to learn.

omg it felt like 11:25 10mins ago...30mins have passed sooooooo quickly... time to slp. another new week to face tmr...!! nitenite

hope everyone back in Sg is fine!

2005-04-06T23:16:00.000+10:00

remember the irritating Steven Lim guy aka as the eyebrow plucker always scouting for "customers" in town? yeah that damnnnn disgusting guy who tried to do a strip dance for the Singapore Idol auditions?

heres wat i found while browsing some forum...someone found this.

http://pigsgettofly.blogspot.com/2005/02/emotional-blackmail-campaign_24.html

wat an asshole...

IM SO IRRITATED AND TIRED!

2005-04-04T23:07:00.000+10:00

my god. gimme a break. i left the house this morning at 8am and i only came home at 8pm. i went home straight after school, uncle peter picked me up from the train station. then he told me to follow them to council for the citizenship ceremony so that i could take pictures for them. so we went home to pick my aunt and the kids 1st, then my aunt was saying that i didnt have to go, but my uncle wanted me to go. so i was like its ok anyway it'll be only for awhile rite? but i wanted to have dinner first cos i was soooo freaking hungry. it took me 5mins to gobble up my dinner then we left. the thing lasted for about an hour, got home at 8:15. i heated up my supasupa, ate it and watched desperate housewives, followed by queer eye (i really liked todays ep!)

i was sooo sleepy towards the end of queer eye, the moment it ended i ran upstairs with the intention of washing up and going to bed, then my hp started beeping. my god my mum sent me like 3 smses just to tell me to go online. so when i did i was like yah wats so urgent? then she went on to tell me dat nehs mum told my mum that neh doesnt noe how and where to buy rice. i was like wat? u gotta be kidding me. then she just went on and on asking me if i cooked for him over the weekend, did i cook or even buy rice blahblahblah. like WTH. im getting bombarded by all these questions? just nice neh called so i told him wat his mum told my mum n he was like nooo...since when. he even can tell me rice is either long grain or short grain. voila! hes doing fine. so im like why the hell specially sms me as if its something so urgent when its just about rice? n this neh is also damn funny. he doesnt tell his mum anything anymore cos he doesnt want her to worry, yet he tells his sister everything. doesnt he know that watever he tells his sis she will tell his mum? n worse still when pple tell other pple stories, the story will also blow out of proportion?

that last sentence suddenly reminded me of an incident when we were back in sec sch. i rem our group was punished by mag low for something, and we were all asked to stand outside the class along the stone benches, facing the hdb flats. instead of feeling remorseful (as usual), we were playing broken telephone. i obviously cant rem wat the message was, but i know for sure that the message ended up really nonsensical and nothing like what the 1st person had conveyed. haha!!!

k im really tired now thats why im behaving like crankenstein. and i really look like 1 from having only 4hours of sleep last night, i was tossing around in bed cos it felt so hot even though the aircon was on.

arghhhhhhh i have another freaking long day tmr, and lab test 1st thing in the morning. i really need some sleep.

monday blues

2005-04-04T13:52:00.000+10:00

i really really hate mondays. everyone is always rushing to finish the math assignment. couldnt slp last night, i was nodding off too sleep during Computer Architecture, my eye lids felt so heavy, was struggling to keep my eyes open. finally finished the math assignment. everyone was copying from johnny, this really smart HK guy. oooh, n hes quite good looking hehe...hes damn fair, comparable to me and his cheek are soooo rosy!!! very boyish face.

its cold and wet today, when i got up it didnt feel that cold, so i stupidly didnt bring a jacket out. although im wearing long sleeves, i was practically shivering when i was walking to school from central station. im so sleepy now i feel like skipping my next lesson and go home early. a veryvery tempting thought...but nah...i shant be a bad girl.

hmm...a quite cute guy just walked across the room. he looks familiar... damn why do i keep looking at cute guys hahaha neh will so kill me...but he doesnt know i have this new blog though hahaha.

im so hungry now, i think the 2 people sitting beside my left and right can almost hear my stomach haha. will have my krispy kremes for lunch. the 2 perth-ians jealous yet??? if u really like, i can send u an e-version of krispy kreme donuts to you hehehe..... ok im delirious with hunger until im talking nonsense now hahahaha....i smell the donuts calling me. you know what? initially when i first ate them i didnt think they were very fantastic. just okay. but its got me hooked now. i ate 4 donuts at 1 go when i bought them last week.

half of my monday has already passed...GOOD. cant wait to get by tues then after that, the rest of the week is damn relax. its quite good that way actually, to cram everything in 2 days rather than have everything spread out. haaaaa....time flies... its already the 1st week of april. thank goodness, or else for march i would have overspent like helllllll. ive been shopping non stop ever since i came here. but i keep within my budget. which is like $200 less than my given allowance. that way i can save $ without missing out on shopping.

my god...i nearly got a heart attack. my friend was sitting beside me for some time and i didnt even realise until i juz turned. both of us were quite startled...hahaha funny moment.

cant wait to go home and have supasupa again!!! still have 3 bowls in the fridge!!!

bloated...

2005-04-03T23:18:00.000+10:00

my god im so full. had so much to eat today. had supasupa (the soup with the nice fluffy pastry covering the bowl), had home-made noodles with braised chicken & mushrooms and avocado and jackfruit dessert. my aunt is a really good cook. i think i might grow fat soon hah! i still cant stop munching on sweets and chocolate, neh bought me a huge pack of m&m peanut the other day, i also bought a huge cup of gummi bears..i just cant stop eating sweets. i know its really bad! my tummy is so bloated that it hurts.

did quite a lot today, woke up at 1 (geez), did some chores, washed my clothes, vacuumed my room, changed the sheets and did my homework. i really hate math, theres an assignment due every 2 weeks; im juz really bad at math. aside from that, im doing pretty well in other subjects, getting full marks for everything. i hope ill juz make it through for math.

daph is having chicken pox. havent heard from her for days, didnt reply my smses either.. i hope shes getting better. have some news she'll definitely be excited to know.

hmm...just clicked my msn main window. suddenly thought of someone...

2005-03-31T01:55:00.000+10:00

wow its been ages since i last blogged. the blogger layout has changed a weeee bit huh...

its late, just a quick update. been feeling so tired the past two days. i sleep late almost every night, just up all night surfing the web and reading up on some articles. didnt realise it got me going till almost 4am! had 10hrs of slp within the last 2 days, i was almost falling asleep during lecture today. thank god the lecturer went on to do some examples, at least there was something to write or else i would have been nodding away to sleep. *yawnz*

its cold now, probably around 18degrees. wearing my yoga pants and my hoodie jacket and i still feel a little cold. my toes are cold too haha... theres no sch tmr, ill probably stay at home. well, i might drop by westfields for awhile though, haven been there for probably 2 weeks, it feels odd, like somethings missing.

im munching on my last bar of snickers. amazingly the fun size 12 pack and the regular 3 pack, plus the regular cup of gummy bears and strawberry gummies lasted me for almost a month despite eating them everyday. its bad to have a spare drawer on my table, its packed with all the candy and chocolates that everytime im at my table i just conveniently pull open the drawer and grab something. imagine the amount of sugar im taking everyday, not including the yoghurt and juice i eat/drink everyday. the badbad goodies drawer...

was on msn with my mum today, my grandma is in Sg with our new maid, my dad is away again will only be back next Wed. i simply cant wait to go back! get all my stuff from Daph, have all the food that im seriously craving for, and see my 2 darlings Tomtom & Tori. plus, when i go back it'll be winter here, so its good that i wun have to endure the cold. it can be really unbearable urghh....

god i really need slp, i look like a panda!

current fav song: John Mayer - Something's Missing